Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Tarzans
Jon Jonsson
My Dream Man is Tarzan.Exclude the fact that he runs around....or rather swings around half naked with just a piece of cloth covering his loin, That does not make him my dream man.Although lots of people who knows me claims that any male that swings around or (they just have to walk) naked with a cloth covering their loins will be a likely candidate for my dream man.Well, they ARE WRONG.People lie when they say that they look for the inner beauty in a life partner. If I want a life partner, Ill sign up with Great Eastern Life or Prudential for insurance. I don't believe in the word "LIFE PARTNER"I rather call it special someone. Your mother can also be your life partner what? correct?
People have to be attracted first before they can look into a person's inside.Sometimes we have to be realistic, we have to be attracted to someone's outer qualities and only then would we want to get to know the person better right? If you saw Freddy Krueger walking towards you from the other side of the street, would you want to know him better?
For me..... Im not choosy. I do make friends with just about everybody. As long as they have good intentions.In Singapore where its hard to find a Tarzan lookalike(also because of our lack of jungles here) Tarzan" want to come out also scared"....... if he runs out of the jungle....in Singapore....he might get knocked down immediately by an impatient typical Singaporean driver.Malaysia, Indonesia or anywhere else, if he runs out, there is yet another jungle he needs to run into.
Bottom line is, no matter how many jungles Tarzan runs through,he still can't reach me. In America, there are 2 Tarzans. One is Jon Jonsson,the other is Keannu Reeves. Although Keannu Reeves looks like a dead Tarzan thats been in the freezer too long. Coz no Tarzan can be that fair. But my dream man would have facial features like that somewhat. For those of you who are asking me to dream on,at this very moment, don't worry. You wont be in my dreams anyway. Jon Jonsson....some says he is a Greek God, some says he's Tarzan......for me anyway he is..........as long as he is in a loin cloth........ he's God.Yes....although I worship the loin cloth more........If I know any Tarzan out there, I will design his loin cloth in such a way,that my face will be printed on it.
In Thailand, Matt........you are my Tarzan.
I like my man to be like Tarzan because Tarzan is strong, with super human instincts and he is also vulnerable.He can also at times be dumb.As for me, I like to take charge.I like my man to be dumb certain times so I can teach him.But of course not too dumb till he does not know the difference between my butt cheeks and my breasts.
I also like Tarzan because he knows how to keep his mouth shut.Regular males don't.But if you think Im writing these coz I hate males. You are dead wrong.Coz I don't. In fact the hatred dosen't start until they start hating me first.
Thats only on the outside................. insides........will continue later.....meanwhile I have dated many guys who don't look like Tarzan on the outside but act like Tarzan on the inside.............They don't walk....they run........they don't talk, they yell...... and they don't eat....they gobble.I did have an ex boyfriend who looks like Jon, Keannu....you know the mixed parentage kind...and he does look like Tarzan....... tan skin and all..... but he rides a bike. Not an elephant. And he named his bike Sheila.( I know.....don't even dare look at me that way....I wasn't thinking when I dated him)
I love Tarzans hair....just makes you want to.............. OH--EEEEE----OHH-------EEEEE-OHHH-------------
Love, Jane aka (Betty Boop)
People have to be attracted first before they can look into a person's inside.Sometimes we have to be realistic, we have to be attracted to someone's outer qualities and only then would we want to get to know the person better right? If you saw Freddy Krueger walking towards you from the other side of the street, would you want to know him better?
For me..... Im not choosy. I do make friends with just about everybody. As long as they have good intentions.In Singapore where its hard to find a Tarzan lookalike(also because of our lack of jungles here) Tarzan" want to come out also scared"....... if he runs out of the jungle....in Singapore....he might get knocked down immediately by an impatient typical Singaporean driver.Malaysia, Indonesia or anywhere else, if he runs out, there is yet another jungle he needs to run into.
Bottom line is, no matter how many jungles Tarzan runs through,he still can't reach me. In America, there are 2 Tarzans. One is Jon Jonsson,the other is Keannu Reeves. Although Keannu Reeves looks like a dead Tarzan thats been in the freezer too long. Coz no Tarzan can be that fair. But my dream man would have facial features like that somewhat. For those of you who are asking me to dream on,at this very moment, don't worry. You wont be in my dreams anyway. Jon Jonsson....some says he is a Greek God, some says he's Tarzan......for me anyway he is..........as long as he is in a loin cloth........ he's God.Yes....although I worship the loin cloth more........If I know any Tarzan out there, I will design his loin cloth in such a way,that my face will be printed on it.
In Thailand, Matt........you are my Tarzan.
I like my man to be like Tarzan because Tarzan is strong, with super human instincts and he is also vulnerable.He can also at times be dumb.As for me, I like to take charge.I like my man to be dumb certain times so I can teach him.But of course not too dumb till he does not know the difference between my butt cheeks and my breasts.
I also like Tarzan because he knows how to keep his mouth shut.Regular males don't.But if you think Im writing these coz I hate males. You are dead wrong.Coz I don't. In fact the hatred dosen't start until they start hating me first.
Thats only on the outside................. insides........will continue later.....meanwhile I have dated many guys who don't look like Tarzan on the outside but act like Tarzan on the inside.............They don't walk....they run........they don't talk, they yell...... and they don't eat....they gobble.I did have an ex boyfriend who looks like Jon, Keannu....you know the mixed parentage kind...and he does look like Tarzan....... tan skin and all..... but he rides a bike. Not an elephant. And he named his bike Sheila.( I know.....don't even dare look at me that way....I wasn't thinking when I dated him)
I love Tarzans hair....just makes you want to.............. OH--EEEEE----OHH-------EEEEE-OHHH-------------
Love, Jane aka (Betty Boop)
Thia Girls Show
If I have children, Ill name them deposit and withdrawal or maybe Sexy-As-Hell and the other kid Sexy-Is-Hell ......
ps:Matt...I know you would probably flipped...or you would be planning to assasinate me..(I used the word assasinate coz I consider myself an asset to the society)....but I would be very very BAD... wont tell you the date Im coming....lol..... guffawas...rolls on floor.......
Posted from Friendster 9th January 2005
ps:Matt...I know you would probably flipped...or you would be planning to assasinate me..(I used the word assasinate coz I consider myself an asset to the society)....but I would be very very BAD... wont tell you the date Im coming....lol..... guffawas...rolls on floor.......
Posted from Friendster 9th January 2005
One Night Stand
It means: Meaningful Overnight RelationshipAlmost 2 years ago....I just shifted my office to what singaporeans would say "an ulu place"It was almost 11pmI took a bus and dropped at Clementi bus stop.... I saw this guy with a white office shirt and black pants. With a very big suspicious looking bag in front of him.
If he wasn't so good looking...... I would have been suspicious. He's alone at the bus stop.....its close to 12...... he has a big bag.... what the fuck? He could be a member of the Al Qaedah for fuck.....I wouldnt even know......... he could be a human bomb.....judging from the buldge in his pants....... there could really be a bomb....I borrowed my cousin's hooker heels.... ( its damn high heeled.... imagine those porn stars in the porn movies kinda heels with a leopard print on the inside and fur on the outside)Just imagine..... but I was only wearing a black office skirt and a white blouse (come to think of it....I was actually wearing exactly like him) and I myself was carrying a big bag.....
As I walked nearer to him.... I realised that he's very good looking.....He has tan skin...he looks Malay....(the kind I like for Malay guys....chinese mixture keannu-reeves lookalike)......... he was giving me a weird look coz we were the only two people left at the bus stop..... and I was a little scared.....He was looking at my big bag and my heels and I was looking at his big bag and his well....... crotch I guess..... and I was gonna walk past when he ask me in a normal voice..... ( no deep baritone voice...coz this is not a movie)
Bomb Guy:"Hey.... sorry..... do you know if there are any buses from here to Woodlands? "Me: Im sorry....Im not sure..my office just moved here...."Bomb Guy: Oh well....its alright then....I had a boyfriend then.... well maybe not one... but I had 2 boyfriends then...... one was this stupid freak ass army sergeant who thought I did'nt know he was cheating on me....and the other one was this NUS science student who wants to move to Iraq to help Osama win his country back.....Enough men trouble,so I decided to walk on to the MRT and forget about this extremely cute heart stopping bastard with the big bag behind me....
So i fished out my Mrt card... ( have not started the modelling agency yet back in 2003 so had no money to take taxi) and walked up the stairs...(fucking MRT had to stop their escalator to save energy) I was aware that the guy was also climbing the stairs...and just to make sure it was him and not some bloody construction worker....I turned around...
Bomb Guy: Do you know what time is the last train?"Me:(In my heart)...... dude... I dont work for the freaking LTA...how the fuck would I know... the MRT driver aint my husband..." Instead.... I look at my watch...and told him we got a couple of minutes left.....
I walked on....my "hooker" heels making clicking noises. I thought I was walking super fast for a girl in high heels...but he was faster...
We happen to be waiting on the same track... towards west (this is not some Harry-Met Sally shit or Sleepless In Seattle) but we were pretty near each other.....
Mrt comes...I step in...he step in.... ( almost fucking midnight...the MRT was still quite crowded) oh yah its a freaking Saturday... We stood in the middle of 2 cabins.... where the wind will blow right into your face and I was trying my best to balance my huge bag and he was also trying to balance his...Since the wind from the cracks of the cabin was blowing in my hair, I was acting like I was in a photo shoot of a Calvin Klein ad...I must have look ridiclulous coz he started leaning closer to me.
and askedBomb Guy: So you work in Clementi?"I decided to throw away all the Whats-Your-Name- crap and changed to I-WANNA-SCREW-THE-BRAINS-RIGHT-OUT-OF-YOUR-HEAD mode and asked him"Ok why dont you tell me what you have in your bag and what you were doing at the bus stop?"Bomb Guy : You really wanna know whats in my bag?" Come closer......I walked over to him ...or rather moonwalk towards him coz the MRT was going really fast like Mission Impossible.... and I could sniff a little of Davidoff scent on him.... he had soft wavy black hair, really nice white teeth..... and then he open his bag slightly... I gasped....
Dig this..... there was one huge bottle of Baileys, one huge bottle of Cabarnet Sauvignon wine...and another bottle of Absolute Vodka....and a couple of beers..
Me:What the fuck.....? what are you? A club owner? A smuggler?"Bomb Guy: Im having a house party tomorrow, my parents are overseas so I got them from a friend who owns a barMe: Wow....thats a lot of liquor...... a damn lot you got there...Bomb Guy: So what you got in your big bag?Me: The usual..... handcuffs, vaseline....... lubricants and condoms...Bomb Guy: No kidding ( he had a Malay accent but good English)I open my bags and this time it was his turn to gasp.... coz all he saw was my laptop and my clothes...I giggled like a hyena (should really work on that sometimes) I tried the Sharon Stone Basic Instinct look but it also didnt work out quite well.....I probably look like the donkey from Shrek...
So we talked and he told me his name ...but he never once did tell me what he work as....and I never bothered to ask coz I had no intention of knowing him after the MRT ride...Woodlands came..... and he asked me point blank"Can we talk more?""At my house I mean....."
First reaction:What the fuck....I only know him for 20 minutes and he's asking me to his house.Second reaction:What the fuck again? What are the chances of my dream man in a living breathing form asking me to go to his house happening again? None....so I agreedTo any girls below 18 who may be reading this "Dont ever do this.... its risky...even if he looks like Antonio Banderas or Orlando Bloom....dont follow anyone home!"But I was 21 and didnt want to see him go....My 1 out of 2 boyfriends suddenly called me and I told him I was with my boss and Ill call back.( One excuse you can use to cheat on your boyfren/girlfren)
I guess its the mysterious way he looks at me that made me want to follow him....I dont know what he works as, I dont even know if that was his real name ... but you see...meeting someone in a club and going back with that person.... (drunk) is a normal situation.But I met this guy at the bus stop and I was perfectly sober....I must have left my brains at home that morning
He lived in the depest deepest end of Woodlands.......and we had to take a taxi there.His house was deeply surrounded by thick woods and forests (I could have been killed)Halfway through my cousin called me ( the one whose heels I was wearing) and asked me where I was....."Im in a taxi"Cousin: Ohhhh....kkkkkkkk where to?Me: Home...Cousin:Look..... I didnt share the same toilet with you when we were younger for you to tell me that you are going home on a Saturday night, where are you?"I spoke in Spanish to her..so he wont understand..and explained I was on a date Cousin: Ohhhh.....kkkkkkk say hi to Rizal for me (Rizal is the army sergeant...NO 1 loser boyfren) No 2 NUS loser boyfren was probably studying physics so he can invent a USB port connected vibrator...so Bomb Guy gave me that smile again and ask"You are Spanish?"It was my turn to give him that smile.......... I told him my name was Sharmayne..... so he can go and scratch his butthole to figure that out......I didnt want to give away much coz he thought I wasn't Malay but I certainly wasn't gonna tell him Im Indonesian with a north indian mum...and too much of the states brought on the American accent and too much of hispanics, spanish boyfriends....and step dads..hence my knowing how to speak Spanish.. so let him think what he wants...
His house was a clean 5 room flat house. He walked in..... with his shoes ... so i walked in with mine....He did not on the lights..... just went to the dining table and lit up 2 candles.....There was a huge mirror on the wall leading to his bedroom.....and I had no idea why but the huge mirror that Pamela Anderson has in her bedroom suddenly makes much more sense to me....I was imagining crude images on the mirror when he asked if I wanted meat for dinner...
I thought he meant it in a crude way so I was about to scream at him when I saw he held a frying pan and a huge slab of meat in a plate....He wanted to cook dinner for his friends tomorrow but he wouldnt mind cooking some steak for me nowAt that point of time...... the word meat and the image of a cow totally dissapeared from my mind.... the only meat I had in my mind was well......you know......meatI loved sirloin steaks.... especially those huge ones they have at Marches.....black pepper sauce and all but looking at his gorgeous frame and soft hair in the candle light....I suddenly lose my appetitte for cow meat......So I said no" Im a vegetarian"He raised an eyebrow and started laughing out loud.......Bomb Guy: Some wine?Me: No....Ill have milk..(what the fuck.....)Ok....wine is fine....I told him I needed to use the bathroom.....He pointed me straight to his bedroom....
Once inside....I closed the door ( keep in mind I only met him for only an hour now)I saw books and books about law on his table...... papers after papers of cases....And an actual case he was working on.... that was when I realised he was a lawyer...either a practising lawyer or an intern lawyer.On his bedroom walls.....were pictures of him....... in a boxing ring..... fighting.... him in a boxing shorts and boxing gloves and actually a picture of a huge boxer in the standard pose of a bodybuilder...... of a news paper article... I figured it was his dad or his grandfather due to the yellow pigments that was appearing on the paper...He was a boxer too.....interesting.... I saw a couple of photos on his desk and there was a photo of him with a girl ( trust me.... the girl aint good looking.....) I asked myself.... what the hell am I doing in this stranger's house who might have a girlfriend and I was dating people too..... at least he didnt lie to me about his name....it was all over his boxing trophys....The door opened....... and he asked"Find anything interesting?"Me:Nope.... except that a gorgeous guy like you have quite a plain looking girlfriend"I regretted it the moment the words came out of my mouth...But he smiled and said....."Thats my ex girlfriend....... she left me 6 months ago....coz she thought I was'nt spending enough time on her"He asked me whether I had a boyfriend...I told him....I never had one....I only date....and that was when he asked me if I was a hooker....I told him no...." workign as a programmer with ticketing company but there was a little social escort on the sidelines in the past......and Im still studying..."He started laughing.....Me and my big mouth:You don't look much like a lawyer"Bomb Guy:Im in my last year of law and I am a boxer by hobby. What are you studying?"Me:Psychology major... The he asked me something that made my blood cold....Bomb Guy: What did you derive when I brought you home tonight?"Me: Im not a stray cat.......I chose to come. (I realised it was true.....Im not such a crazy horny ass freak to follow strangers to their home....Ive never done something so stupid in my life before but this major hottie standing infront of me....was like something that came out of my dreams and into reality.........)
I drank a tiny wee bit of vodka and Baileys.... Im not the type to drink until you put a whole line of tequillas and and whiskey right in front of me.....I wasn't drunk....I refused his steak dinner.....and he switched on the CD...I was expecting Kenny G or some Craig David....but what came out was pure lounge music......a little acid jazz........His air con was leaking badly so he took a bucket and put it underneath and said"Sorry......Im a little bit kampong..."I started laughing.........
To protect the current relationship Im in and also a lot of unnecassary accusations and comments,I shall not print in details the incidents of that night.But what I learnt from that lawyer in that one night, will make my toothpaste squueze its contents out by itself.......I can read endless books and watch endless videos, but I could never never learn what he taught me that one night in a million years.........My life wasn't perfect then... he gave me a lot of advices Meeting him opened up a whole lot of fear I had in me and I realised life is short....so fuck it....just do whatever I wanna do....and get whatever I want to have........2 years from that date I met him....I plunged headlong into my business, my studies and finally became a happier personThe only bad outcome of that night was the fact that I couldn't pee for a week. I also quit drinking for good and since that night I havent touch any liquor and not even wine.That same night before I drowned myself in sleep...I pointed at his ex girlfriend's picture......and said to her"You are a fool for letting him go girl...........this guy is GOD SENT" Maybe he may not have time but he was certainly the most interesting conversationalist I have ever met
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing endlessly ........Me:Hello...Cousin: Where in the slumps of this God forsaken world are you?Me: Oh god.....whats the time now?"Cousin: Time to get your ass out of bed.... and get to work..... we have a show at Suntec today....where the heck are you?Me:Give me 2o minutes...Im on my way....wait for me at Clementi MRT...
I grabbed my bag...... and searched for my phone....And rushed out..... and ran straight into him..... Mr Bomb Guy ...He held out my phone and gave it to me...I saw a plate in his hand...."Im making pancakes...... want.some..?He never got to finish his sentence......I told him I had to go.......kissed him quickly on his lips and I left him standing there with his Calvin Klein sweat pants and a plate........Imagine leaving the best thing I have ever laid my eyes on (with the worlds most interesting package).... leaving his house without asking for his number...... But I didnt have to worry.....
He called me that same day asking if I wanted to go to his party that nightMe:How did you get my number?"Bomb guy:Im a lawyer, girl..... give me some credit...Me:Mmmmmmm I dont think so....I got a lot of work to do....
He called me a few times for a few months after that to ask if I wanted to go out, or meet his friends for dinner at One Night Stand comedy club(...the irony of it all.....) his friends hang out there....Lol..... but I never met him again..... I didnt want to..... he was something that could never be part of my life....and eventually I changed my number............Last year I looked him up on msn messenger, friendster coz he did give me his email once.....but he wasn't in both.....his number was long gone.....all I had was just a photo I took in my phone that night.......I have a boyfriend now...... and if he reads this.... he wont freak coz he already knows he has a crazy girlfriend to began with......... and our anniversary thats creeping up will also help remind me how much I have mellowed down.......
Bomb Guy........wherever you are.......before I leave Singapore.....it wouldn't hurt to bump into you just one last time..... lol... (but I wont follow you home)ps:To all my fellow girlfriends..... its better to follow a stranger home when you are not drunk.... or not in a club....... coz at least you dont start seeing him as Brad Pitt when he actually looks like Freddy Krueger.....get my drift...you might wake up screaming at the top of your lungs if you wake up the next morning beside a Star Wars lookalike creature...... xoxo.
If he wasn't so good looking...... I would have been suspicious. He's alone at the bus stop.....its close to 12...... he has a big bag.... what the fuck? He could be a member of the Al Qaedah for fuck.....I wouldnt even know......... he could be a human bomb.....judging from the buldge in his pants....... there could really be a bomb....I borrowed my cousin's hooker heels.... ( its damn high heeled.... imagine those porn stars in the porn movies kinda heels with a leopard print on the inside and fur on the outside)Just imagine..... but I was only wearing a black office skirt and a white blouse (come to think of it....I was actually wearing exactly like him) and I myself was carrying a big bag.....
As I walked nearer to him.... I realised that he's very good looking.....He has tan skin...he looks Malay....(the kind I like for Malay guys....chinese mixture keannu-reeves lookalike)......... he was giving me a weird look coz we were the only two people left at the bus stop..... and I was a little scared.....He was looking at my big bag and my heels and I was looking at his big bag and his well....... crotch I guess..... and I was gonna walk past when he ask me in a normal voice..... ( no deep baritone voice...coz this is not a movie)
Bomb Guy:"Hey.... sorry..... do you know if there are any buses from here to Woodlands? "Me: Im sorry....Im not sure..my office just moved here...."Bomb Guy: Oh well....its alright then....I had a boyfriend then.... well maybe not one... but I had 2 boyfriends then...... one was this stupid freak ass army sergeant who thought I did'nt know he was cheating on me....and the other one was this NUS science student who wants to move to Iraq to help Osama win his country back.....Enough men trouble,so I decided to walk on to the MRT and forget about this extremely cute heart stopping bastard with the big bag behind me....
So i fished out my Mrt card... ( have not started the modelling agency yet back in 2003 so had no money to take taxi) and walked up the stairs...(fucking MRT had to stop their escalator to save energy) I was aware that the guy was also climbing the stairs...and just to make sure it was him and not some bloody construction worker....I turned around...
Bomb Guy: Do you know what time is the last train?"Me:(In my heart)...... dude... I dont work for the freaking LTA...how the fuck would I know... the MRT driver aint my husband..." Instead.... I look at my watch...and told him we got a couple of minutes left.....
I walked on....my "hooker" heels making clicking noises. I thought I was walking super fast for a girl in high heels...but he was faster...
We happen to be waiting on the same track... towards west (this is not some Harry-Met Sally shit or Sleepless In Seattle) but we were pretty near each other.....
Mrt comes...I step in...he step in.... ( almost fucking midnight...the MRT was still quite crowded) oh yah its a freaking Saturday... We stood in the middle of 2 cabins.... where the wind will blow right into your face and I was trying my best to balance my huge bag and he was also trying to balance his...Since the wind from the cracks of the cabin was blowing in my hair, I was acting like I was in a photo shoot of a Calvin Klein ad...I must have look ridiclulous coz he started leaning closer to me.
and askedBomb Guy: So you work in Clementi?"I decided to throw away all the Whats-Your-Name- crap and changed to I-WANNA-SCREW-THE-BRAINS-RIGHT-OUT-OF-YOUR-HEAD mode and asked him"Ok why dont you tell me what you have in your bag and what you were doing at the bus stop?"Bomb Guy : You really wanna know whats in my bag?" Come closer......I walked over to him ...or rather moonwalk towards him coz the MRT was going really fast like Mission Impossible.... and I could sniff a little of Davidoff scent on him.... he had soft wavy black hair, really nice white teeth..... and then he open his bag slightly... I gasped....
Dig this..... there was one huge bottle of Baileys, one huge bottle of Cabarnet Sauvignon wine...and another bottle of Absolute Vodka....and a couple of beers..
Me:What the fuck.....? what are you? A club owner? A smuggler?"Bomb Guy: Im having a house party tomorrow, my parents are overseas so I got them from a friend who owns a barMe: Wow....thats a lot of liquor...... a damn lot you got there...Bomb Guy: So what you got in your big bag?Me: The usual..... handcuffs, vaseline....... lubricants and condoms...Bomb Guy: No kidding ( he had a Malay accent but good English)I open my bags and this time it was his turn to gasp.... coz all he saw was my laptop and my clothes...I giggled like a hyena (should really work on that sometimes) I tried the Sharon Stone Basic Instinct look but it also didnt work out quite well.....I probably look like the donkey from Shrek...
So we talked and he told me his name ...but he never once did tell me what he work as....and I never bothered to ask coz I had no intention of knowing him after the MRT ride...Woodlands came..... and he asked me point blank"Can we talk more?""At my house I mean....."
First reaction:What the fuck....I only know him for 20 minutes and he's asking me to his house.Second reaction:What the fuck again? What are the chances of my dream man in a living breathing form asking me to go to his house happening again? None....so I agreedTo any girls below 18 who may be reading this "Dont ever do this.... its risky...even if he looks like Antonio Banderas or Orlando Bloom....dont follow anyone home!"But I was 21 and didnt want to see him go....My 1 out of 2 boyfriends suddenly called me and I told him I was with my boss and Ill call back.( One excuse you can use to cheat on your boyfren/girlfren)
I guess its the mysterious way he looks at me that made me want to follow him....I dont know what he works as, I dont even know if that was his real name ... but you see...meeting someone in a club and going back with that person.... (drunk) is a normal situation.But I met this guy at the bus stop and I was perfectly sober....I must have left my brains at home that morning
He lived in the depest deepest end of Woodlands.......and we had to take a taxi there.His house was deeply surrounded by thick woods and forests (I could have been killed)Halfway through my cousin called me ( the one whose heels I was wearing) and asked me where I was....."Im in a taxi"Cousin: Ohhhh....kkkkkkkk where to?Me: Home...Cousin:Look..... I didnt share the same toilet with you when we were younger for you to tell me that you are going home on a Saturday night, where are you?"I spoke in Spanish to her..so he wont understand..and explained I was on a date Cousin: Ohhhh.....kkkkkkk say hi to Rizal for me (Rizal is the army sergeant...NO 1 loser boyfren) No 2 NUS loser boyfren was probably studying physics so he can invent a USB port connected vibrator...so Bomb Guy gave me that smile again and ask"You are Spanish?"It was my turn to give him that smile.......... I told him my name was Sharmayne..... so he can go and scratch his butthole to figure that out......I didnt want to give away much coz he thought I wasn't Malay but I certainly wasn't gonna tell him Im Indonesian with a north indian mum...and too much of the states brought on the American accent and too much of hispanics, spanish boyfriends....and step dads..hence my knowing how to speak Spanish.. so let him think what he wants...
His house was a clean 5 room flat house. He walked in..... with his shoes ... so i walked in with mine....He did not on the lights..... just went to the dining table and lit up 2 candles.....There was a huge mirror on the wall leading to his bedroom.....and I had no idea why but the huge mirror that Pamela Anderson has in her bedroom suddenly makes much more sense to me....I was imagining crude images on the mirror when he asked if I wanted meat for dinner...
I thought he meant it in a crude way so I was about to scream at him when I saw he held a frying pan and a huge slab of meat in a plate....He wanted to cook dinner for his friends tomorrow but he wouldnt mind cooking some steak for me nowAt that point of time...... the word meat and the image of a cow totally dissapeared from my mind.... the only meat I had in my mind was well......you know......meatI loved sirloin steaks.... especially those huge ones they have at Marches.....black pepper sauce and all but looking at his gorgeous frame and soft hair in the candle light....I suddenly lose my appetitte for cow meat......So I said no" Im a vegetarian"He raised an eyebrow and started laughing out loud.......Bomb Guy: Some wine?Me: No....Ill have milk..(what the fuck.....)Ok....wine is fine....I told him I needed to use the bathroom.....He pointed me straight to his bedroom....
Once inside....I closed the door ( keep in mind I only met him for only an hour now)I saw books and books about law on his table...... papers after papers of cases....And an actual case he was working on.... that was when I realised he was a lawyer...either a practising lawyer or an intern lawyer.On his bedroom walls.....were pictures of him....... in a boxing ring..... fighting.... him in a boxing shorts and boxing gloves and actually a picture of a huge boxer in the standard pose of a bodybuilder...... of a news paper article... I figured it was his dad or his grandfather due to the yellow pigments that was appearing on the paper...He was a boxer too.....interesting.... I saw a couple of photos on his desk and there was a photo of him with a girl ( trust me.... the girl aint good looking.....) I asked myself.... what the hell am I doing in this stranger's house who might have a girlfriend and I was dating people too..... at least he didnt lie to me about his name....it was all over his boxing trophys....The door opened....... and he asked"Find anything interesting?"Me:Nope.... except that a gorgeous guy like you have quite a plain looking girlfriend"I regretted it the moment the words came out of my mouth...But he smiled and said....."Thats my ex girlfriend....... she left me 6 months ago....coz she thought I was'nt spending enough time on her"He asked me whether I had a boyfriend...I told him....I never had one....I only date....and that was when he asked me if I was a hooker....I told him no...." workign as a programmer with ticketing company but there was a little social escort on the sidelines in the past......and Im still studying..."He started laughing.....Me and my big mouth:You don't look much like a lawyer"Bomb Guy:Im in my last year of law and I am a boxer by hobby. What are you studying?"Me:Psychology major... The he asked me something that made my blood cold....Bomb Guy: What did you derive when I brought you home tonight?"Me: Im not a stray cat.......I chose to come. (I realised it was true.....Im not such a crazy horny ass freak to follow strangers to their home....Ive never done something so stupid in my life before but this major hottie standing infront of me....was like something that came out of my dreams and into reality.........)
I drank a tiny wee bit of vodka and Baileys.... Im not the type to drink until you put a whole line of tequillas and and whiskey right in front of me.....I wasn't drunk....I refused his steak dinner.....and he switched on the CD...I was expecting Kenny G or some Craig David....but what came out was pure lounge music......a little acid jazz........His air con was leaking badly so he took a bucket and put it underneath and said"Sorry......Im a little bit kampong..."I started laughing.........
To protect the current relationship Im in and also a lot of unnecassary accusations and comments,I shall not print in details the incidents of that night.But what I learnt from that lawyer in that one night, will make my toothpaste squueze its contents out by itself.......I can read endless books and watch endless videos, but I could never never learn what he taught me that one night in a million years.........My life wasn't perfect then... he gave me a lot of advices Meeting him opened up a whole lot of fear I had in me and I realised life is short....so fuck it....just do whatever I wanna do....and get whatever I want to have........2 years from that date I met him....I plunged headlong into my business, my studies and finally became a happier personThe only bad outcome of that night was the fact that I couldn't pee for a week. I also quit drinking for good and since that night I havent touch any liquor and not even wine.That same night before I drowned myself in sleep...I pointed at his ex girlfriend's picture......and said to her"You are a fool for letting him go girl...........this guy is GOD SENT" Maybe he may not have time but he was certainly the most interesting conversationalist I have ever met
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing endlessly ........Me:Hello...Cousin: Where in the slumps of this God forsaken world are you?Me: Oh god.....whats the time now?"Cousin: Time to get your ass out of bed.... and get to work..... we have a show at Suntec today....where the heck are you?Me:Give me 2o minutes...Im on my way....wait for me at Clementi MRT...
I grabbed my bag...... and searched for my phone....And rushed out..... and ran straight into him..... Mr Bomb Guy ...He held out my phone and gave it to me...I saw a plate in his hand...."Im making pancakes...... want.some..?He never got to finish his sentence......I told him I had to go.......kissed him quickly on his lips and I left him standing there with his Calvin Klein sweat pants and a plate........Imagine leaving the best thing I have ever laid my eyes on (with the worlds most interesting package).... leaving his house without asking for his number...... But I didnt have to worry.....
He called me that same day asking if I wanted to go to his party that nightMe:How did you get my number?"Bomb guy:Im a lawyer, girl..... give me some credit...Me:Mmmmmmm I dont think so....I got a lot of work to do....
He called me a few times for a few months after that to ask if I wanted to go out, or meet his friends for dinner at One Night Stand comedy club(...the irony of it all.....) his friends hang out there....Lol..... but I never met him again..... I didnt want to..... he was something that could never be part of my life....and eventually I changed my number............Last year I looked him up on msn messenger, friendster coz he did give me his email once.....but he wasn't in both.....his number was long gone.....all I had was just a photo I took in my phone that night.......I have a boyfriend now...... and if he reads this.... he wont freak coz he already knows he has a crazy girlfriend to began with......... and our anniversary thats creeping up will also help remind me how much I have mellowed down.......
Bomb Guy........wherever you are.......before I leave Singapore.....it wouldn't hurt to bump into you just one last time..... lol... (but I wont follow you home)ps:To all my fellow girlfriends..... its better to follow a stranger home when you are not drunk.... or not in a club....... coz at least you dont start seeing him as Brad Pitt when he actually looks like Freddy Krueger.....get my drift...you might wake up screaming at the top of your lungs if you wake up the next morning beside a Star Wars lookalike creature...... xoxo.
Posted from Frinedster 26th November 2005
Great Locations
Office..moved...Tanjong Pagar...twenty minutes away from home...My sleep time extended to 2 hours...enough said... (apart from the fact it still looks like Jurassic Park dinasours decided to shit in my office)I love the location...Hundreds of boring guys......in office suits...taking smoke breaks...And flirting with Starbucks staff everyday......nothing much.Plus THE famous Lau Pa Sat which is not so ok in my humble opinionCoz all the sleazy Caucasians brings their Filipina girlfriends thereN too much cheapie you know with Americans....... I call them SPG.If its me....people wont know.... coz they usually cant guess my race..."gawks n rolls around with laughter""Sarcasm is just one of the services my company offer"Its like my mum give birth to me with a foul mouth.I still have not managed to resolve Sexpo accounts.....still trying...still trying..Bought tickets to Chesnut from an over friendly dude on Sistic Hotline ( the kind that make you want to hang up on them coz they scream " Good evening...Sistic...my name is so and so and so....how may I help you?"I usually answer the phone (if I goddamn have to) with "Good evening...how can you help me?"For the anniversary this Sunday... just a dinner and a show at Raffles Hotel.......Can you believe this word "anniversary" coming out of my mouth? People like Carmen Electra,Pamela Anderson,Elizabeth Taylor and J LO are my idols.....they change husbands like they change the carpet on their floors......me? Im having an anniversary........lol............... in the past 23 years of my life....... my first anniverary
Things Women Cant Live Without
Zahid finally change his status in friendster from "single" to "In a relationship" when I never asked him to.Mine remains "Its complicated"
Things Women "In General" Can't Live Without
1)Mirror ( it could be compact, it could be as big as the bedroom door, but I have a friend who has 5 mirrors in one room, and this friend only lives in a 3 room flat.For me, I dont carry mirrors around because I dont have a compact powder. The only mirror I use are the back of my cds, the camera in my handphone, and the MRT windows and the eyes of the person Im out with.(I get them to lean real close)
2) Compact powder ( sometimes the mirror is big enough to be able to see your face plus the person standing behind you) I already mentioned I dont own a compact powder so case closed.
3) Facial blotters ( I dont have one either..... coz I dont do anything when I sweat...imagine you are having sex, bobbing up and down....and then you use a facial blotter..... so I leave it as it is.coz sweat is inevitable.but I have to say its a useful product for you to look good and fresh always......
4) Handbag -lipsticks,a complete make up set,lipstick,an extra lip gloss,purse and I know a friend who never fails to carry an umbrella around( she's really cute and funny,but she has a point, umbrella is important),handphone in a pouch.I envy women like that......coz I usually carry a big bag ( imagine a hooker's bag) and in it I carry everything from clothes to laptop to more clothes to perfume and to the receipts I had when I had lunch at Swensens 4 months ago...to the credit card receipts I used at NewAsia Bar..... 4 months ago also...and if Im in luck,I can search for an umbrella, business times....New York Times.... (unbelievable)and yes books.magazines.....scores of them.....and finally I found my lip gloss...... in my gym socks (????????????????????) I fortunately cant wear make up coz I have sensitive skin.I cant even use powder...........So I usually have an eyelash curler, a lip gloss. Sad but true....last time I wore a powder and foundation,I ended up in a skin clinic looking like Fusa from Madagascar.
5)HandphoneHow my friends manage to keep their phones in a handphone pouch for months amazes me.My cousin's pouch was from a bright pink colour to a total state of almost black and its been a year...I have changed pouches from week to week,from Prada (which Im still recovering from losing it) to those cute cartoon ones you get at bazaars....to nothing....my poor phone now has nothing...unless it nestles comfortably in my clothes or my extra panties in my bag...get what I mean.
6)OrganiserLets just face it.... I have to thank 3M...coz I have had organisers after organisers....but none of them has been used.... only little slips of paper that the staff leave for me on my table.... or just sms. Even my models know my style....they dont even leave a message (they either just dont turn up) and I GET the message or they sms me. They dont even call coz half of the time,I cant even answer my calls coz I cant find my phone or Im too busy and cant hear it.Losing of clients, dont worry ( my cousin Pamela who happens to be my business partner cum secretary will follow up on it) I lose them...she gains them back with the everlasting "Oh my god....Im so sorry she missed your call...but you can talk to me......."
7)PantylinersIm not sure..... bout this one....but Carefree seems to be the best brand that sells pantyliners...as for me the word Carefree strucks me as "no panties at all.....going commando"thats what I mean Carefree....
8)Feminine WashI finally obtained my first one from Watsons......... after 7 years of nagging from my mum whom I havent seen since last year.
9)Boys....wait...BOYSOh yeah........the B word...D.......B word. When you are not dating someone, its call flirting.When you are seeing someone especially after a whole year......its called infidelity (cheating)(lying)(betraying)....you get the idea.What the fuck? I live by the song "Boys" from Brtiney Spears........ its like a mantra....
10)PerfumeI don't know where I placed my Estee Lauder"Pleasures".....been stealing HIS burberrys.....and his Nivea After Shave deodarant....who cares? I noticed women love Estee Lauder perfumes........... I do too...but every women should try Shiseido Energising Fragrance......oh god...that is heaven....
11)Sweets and mintsI carry mints not because I have a sweet tooth...its because Im always hoping to snog a stranger (like my girlfriends snogging handsome,cute strangers on an airplane) never tried that one though....coz everytime I sit in an airplane....I either get an Indian computer expert who requests for vegetarian meals( he will therefore not be able to understand the essential need for meat in my life) or an old British businessman who prefers to sleep and argues with me as to why he cannot give up his aisle seat for me....somehow as much as I avoid it...my flight usually almost as good as always have to be a transit flight to Japan....so its a dead end guess as to what nationality the majority of men in my flights are made up of.......
12)SexI dunno about this one.....but the girlfriends I hang out with seem to have an Energizer "Never Say Die" battery attached to them when it comes to the S word.... and since Im apparently going out with dream meat ..(according to a girlfriend)..someone they can take home to mama,make mama happy...and still be able to make mama herself horny .Im supposed to be a lucky bitch?For me......lets just put it this way........I get my share...ok....stop asking if he is as good as he looks on my King Koil sheets....
13)Beeper was an in thing in 1995.....in 2005...Id say.... digital cameraAs for me...I have a digital camera....and I never use it...
14) VibratorActually....it depends on countries....women in Singapore do not actually need this....coz they are well....more on the conservative side....but in US....this is a highly needed product...
14)Bang Bus.com Every women'S favourite wesbite when nobody's looking.....oh wait.....its only me....SHIT!
15)Sexy lingeries.....Im gonna have to draw a real line from here.....coz nobody wants to see what I wear to sleep..Most women can actually go all out to buy VS, Blush and Womens Secret............ I only receive them as gifts but I never use them.... I do..only for special occasions....and when I mean special...I mean....totally- worthy -of- a- lingerie- occasion... and that doesnt come often.....
If there are any other womens essentials that should be on this page.....let me know.xoxoMel
Things Women "In General" Can't Live Without
1)Mirror ( it could be compact, it could be as big as the bedroom door, but I have a friend who has 5 mirrors in one room, and this friend only lives in a 3 room flat.For me, I dont carry mirrors around because I dont have a compact powder. The only mirror I use are the back of my cds, the camera in my handphone, and the MRT windows and the eyes of the person Im out with.(I get them to lean real close)
2) Compact powder ( sometimes the mirror is big enough to be able to see your face plus the person standing behind you) I already mentioned I dont own a compact powder so case closed.
3) Facial blotters ( I dont have one either..... coz I dont do anything when I sweat...imagine you are having sex, bobbing up and down....and then you use a facial blotter..... so I leave it as it is.coz sweat is inevitable.but I have to say its a useful product for you to look good and fresh always......
4) Handbag -lipsticks,a complete make up set,lipstick,an extra lip gloss,purse and I know a friend who never fails to carry an umbrella around( she's really cute and funny,but she has a point, umbrella is important),handphone in a pouch.I envy women like that......coz I usually carry a big bag ( imagine a hooker's bag) and in it I carry everything from clothes to laptop to more clothes to perfume and to the receipts I had when I had lunch at Swensens 4 months ago...to the credit card receipts I used at NewAsia Bar..... 4 months ago also...and if Im in luck,I can search for an umbrella, business times....New York Times.... (unbelievable)and yes books.magazines.....scores of them.....and finally I found my lip gloss...... in my gym socks (????????????????????) I fortunately cant wear make up coz I have sensitive skin.I cant even use powder...........So I usually have an eyelash curler, a lip gloss. Sad but true....last time I wore a powder and foundation,I ended up in a skin clinic looking like Fusa from Madagascar.
5)HandphoneHow my friends manage to keep their phones in a handphone pouch for months amazes me.My cousin's pouch was from a bright pink colour to a total state of almost black and its been a year...I have changed pouches from week to week,from Prada (which Im still recovering from losing it) to those cute cartoon ones you get at bazaars....to nothing....my poor phone now has nothing...unless it nestles comfortably in my clothes or my extra panties in my bag...get what I mean.
6)OrganiserLets just face it.... I have to thank 3M...coz I have had organisers after organisers....but none of them has been used.... only little slips of paper that the staff leave for me on my table.... or just sms. Even my models know my style....they dont even leave a message (they either just dont turn up) and I GET the message or they sms me. They dont even call coz half of the time,I cant even answer my calls coz I cant find my phone or Im too busy and cant hear it.Losing of clients, dont worry ( my cousin Pamela who happens to be my business partner cum secretary will follow up on it) I lose them...she gains them back with the everlasting "Oh my god....Im so sorry she missed your call...but you can talk to me......."
7)PantylinersIm not sure..... bout this one....but Carefree seems to be the best brand that sells pantyliners...as for me the word Carefree strucks me as "no panties at all.....going commando"thats what I mean Carefree....
8)Feminine WashI finally obtained my first one from Watsons......... after 7 years of nagging from my mum whom I havent seen since last year.
9)Boys....wait...BOYSOh yeah........the B word...D.......B word. When you are not dating someone, its call flirting.When you are seeing someone especially after a whole year......its called infidelity (cheating)(lying)(betraying)....you get the idea.What the fuck? I live by the song "Boys" from Brtiney Spears........ its like a mantra....
10)PerfumeI don't know where I placed my Estee Lauder"Pleasures".....been stealing HIS burberrys.....and his Nivea After Shave deodarant....who cares? I noticed women love Estee Lauder perfumes........... I do too...but every women should try Shiseido Energising Fragrance......oh god...that is heaven....
11)Sweets and mintsI carry mints not because I have a sweet tooth...its because Im always hoping to snog a stranger (like my girlfriends snogging handsome,cute strangers on an airplane) never tried that one though....coz everytime I sit in an airplane....I either get an Indian computer expert who requests for vegetarian meals( he will therefore not be able to understand the essential need for meat in my life) or an old British businessman who prefers to sleep and argues with me as to why he cannot give up his aisle seat for me....somehow as much as I avoid it...my flight usually almost as good as always have to be a transit flight to Japan....so its a dead end guess as to what nationality the majority of men in my flights are made up of.......
12)SexI dunno about this one.....but the girlfriends I hang out with seem to have an Energizer "Never Say Die" battery attached to them when it comes to the S word.... and since Im apparently going out with dream meat ..(according to a girlfriend)..someone they can take home to mama,make mama happy...and still be able to make mama herself horny .Im supposed to be a lucky bitch?For me......lets just put it this way........I get my share...ok....stop asking if he is as good as he looks on my King Koil sheets....
13)Beeper was an in thing in 1995.....in 2005...Id say.... digital cameraAs for me...I have a digital camera....and I never use it...
14) VibratorActually....it depends on countries....women in Singapore do not actually need this....coz they are well....more on the conservative side....but in US....this is a highly needed product...
14)Bang Bus.com Every women'S favourite wesbite when nobody's looking.....oh wait.....its only me....SHIT!
15)Sexy lingeries.....Im gonna have to draw a real line from here.....coz nobody wants to see what I wear to sleep..Most women can actually go all out to buy VS, Blush and Womens Secret............ I only receive them as gifts but I never use them.... I do..only for special occasions....and when I mean special...I mean....totally- worthy -of- a- lingerie- occasion... and that doesnt come often.....
If there are any other womens essentials that should be on this page.....let me know.xoxoMel
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