Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Tarzans
Jon Jonsson
My Dream Man is Tarzan.Exclude the fact that he runs around....or rather swings around half naked with just a piece of cloth covering his loin, That does not make him my dream man.Although lots of people who knows me claims that any male that swings around or (they just have to walk) naked with a cloth covering their loins will be a likely candidate for my dream man.Well, they ARE WRONG.People lie when they say that they look for the inner beauty in a life partner. If I want a life partner, Ill sign up with Great Eastern Life or Prudential for insurance. I don't believe in the word "LIFE PARTNER"I rather call it special someone. Your mother can also be your life partner what? correct?
People have to be attracted first before they can look into a person's inside.Sometimes we have to be realistic, we have to be attracted to someone's outer qualities and only then would we want to get to know the person better right? If you saw Freddy Krueger walking towards you from the other side of the street, would you want to know him better?
For me..... Im not choosy. I do make friends with just about everybody. As long as they have good intentions.In Singapore where its hard to find a Tarzan lookalike(also because of our lack of jungles here) Tarzan" want to come out also scared"....... if he runs out of the jungle....in Singapore....he might get knocked down immediately by an impatient typical Singaporean driver.Malaysia, Indonesia or anywhere else, if he runs out, there is yet another jungle he needs to run into.
Bottom line is, no matter how many jungles Tarzan runs through,he still can't reach me. In America, there are 2 Tarzans. One is Jon Jonsson,the other is Keannu Reeves. Although Keannu Reeves looks like a dead Tarzan thats been in the freezer too long. Coz no Tarzan can be that fair. But my dream man would have facial features like that somewhat. For those of you who are asking me to dream on,at this very moment, don't worry. You wont be in my dreams anyway. Jon Jonsson....some says he is a Greek God, some says he's Tarzan......for me anyway he is..........as long as he is in a loin cloth........ he's God.Yes....although I worship the loin cloth more........If I know any Tarzan out there, I will design his loin cloth in such a way,that my face will be printed on it.
In Thailand, Matt........you are my Tarzan.
I like my man to be like Tarzan because Tarzan is strong, with super human instincts and he is also vulnerable.He can also at times be dumb.As for me, I like to take charge.I like my man to be dumb certain times so I can teach him.But of course not too dumb till he does not know the difference between my butt cheeks and my breasts.
I also like Tarzan because he knows how to keep his mouth shut.Regular males don't.But if you think Im writing these coz I hate males. You are dead wrong.Coz I don't. In fact the hatred dosen't start until they start hating me first.
Thats only on the outside................. insides........will continue later.....meanwhile I have dated many guys who don't look like Tarzan on the outside but act like Tarzan on the inside.............They don't walk....they run........they don't talk, they yell...... and they don't eat....they gobble.I did have an ex boyfriend who looks like Jon, Keannu....you know the mixed parentage kind...and he does look like Tarzan....... tan skin and all..... but he rides a bike. Not an elephant. And he named his bike Sheila.( I know.....don't even dare look at me that way....I wasn't thinking when I dated him)
I love Tarzans hair....just makes you want to.............. OH--EEEEE----OHH-------EEEEE-OHHH-------------
Love, Jane aka (Betty Boop)
People have to be attracted first before they can look into a person's inside.Sometimes we have to be realistic, we have to be attracted to someone's outer qualities and only then would we want to get to know the person better right? If you saw Freddy Krueger walking towards you from the other side of the street, would you want to know him better?
For me..... Im not choosy. I do make friends with just about everybody. As long as they have good intentions.In Singapore where its hard to find a Tarzan lookalike(also because of our lack of jungles here) Tarzan" want to come out also scared"....... if he runs out of the jungle....in Singapore....he might get knocked down immediately by an impatient typical Singaporean driver.Malaysia, Indonesia or anywhere else, if he runs out, there is yet another jungle he needs to run into.
Bottom line is, no matter how many jungles Tarzan runs through,he still can't reach me. In America, there are 2 Tarzans. One is Jon Jonsson,the other is Keannu Reeves. Although Keannu Reeves looks like a dead Tarzan thats been in the freezer too long. Coz no Tarzan can be that fair. But my dream man would have facial features like that somewhat. For those of you who are asking me to dream on,at this very moment, don't worry. You wont be in my dreams anyway. Jon Jonsson....some says he is a Greek God, some says he's Tarzan......for me anyway he is..........as long as he is in a loin cloth........ he's God.Yes....although I worship the loin cloth more........If I know any Tarzan out there, I will design his loin cloth in such a way,that my face will be printed on it.
In Thailand, Matt........you are my Tarzan.
I like my man to be like Tarzan because Tarzan is strong, with super human instincts and he is also vulnerable.He can also at times be dumb.As for me, I like to take charge.I like my man to be dumb certain times so I can teach him.But of course not too dumb till he does not know the difference between my butt cheeks and my breasts.
I also like Tarzan because he knows how to keep his mouth shut.Regular males don't.But if you think Im writing these coz I hate males. You are dead wrong.Coz I don't. In fact the hatred dosen't start until they start hating me first.
Thats only on the outside................. insides........will continue later.....meanwhile I have dated many guys who don't look like Tarzan on the outside but act like Tarzan on the inside.............They don't walk....they run........they don't talk, they yell...... and they don't eat....they gobble.I did have an ex boyfriend who looks like Jon, Keannu....you know the mixed parentage kind...and he does look like Tarzan....... tan skin and all..... but he rides a bike. Not an elephant. And he named his bike Sheila.( I know.....don't even dare look at me that way....I wasn't thinking when I dated him)
I love Tarzans hair....just makes you want to.............. OH--EEEEE----OHH-------EEEEE-OHHH-------------
Love, Jane aka (Betty Boop)
Thia Girls Show
If I have children, Ill name them deposit and withdrawal or maybe Sexy-As-Hell and the other kid Sexy-Is-Hell ......
ps:Matt...I know you would probably flipped...or you would be planning to assasinate me..(I used the word assasinate coz I consider myself an asset to the society)....but I would be very very BAD... wont tell you the date Im coming....lol..... guffawas...rolls on floor.......
Posted from Friendster 9th January 2005
ps:Matt...I know you would probably flipped...or you would be planning to assasinate me..(I used the word assasinate coz I consider myself an asset to the society)....but I would be very very BAD... wont tell you the date Im coming....lol..... guffawas...rolls on floor.......
Posted from Friendster 9th January 2005
One Night Stand
It means: Meaningful Overnight RelationshipAlmost 2 years ago....I just shifted my office to what singaporeans would say "an ulu place"It was almost 11pmI took a bus and dropped at Clementi bus stop.... I saw this guy with a white office shirt and black pants. With a very big suspicious looking bag in front of him.
If he wasn't so good looking...... I would have been suspicious. He's alone at the bus stop.....its close to 12...... he has a big bag.... what the fuck? He could be a member of the Al Qaedah for fuck.....I wouldnt even know......... he could be a human bomb.....judging from the buldge in his pants....... there could really be a bomb....I borrowed my cousin's hooker heels.... ( its damn high heeled.... imagine those porn stars in the porn movies kinda heels with a leopard print on the inside and fur on the outside)Just imagine..... but I was only wearing a black office skirt and a white blouse (come to think of it....I was actually wearing exactly like him) and I myself was carrying a big bag.....
As I walked nearer to him.... I realised that he's very good looking.....He has tan skin...he looks Malay....(the kind I like for Malay guys....chinese mixture keannu-reeves lookalike)......... he was giving me a weird look coz we were the only two people left at the bus stop..... and I was a little scared.....He was looking at my big bag and my heels and I was looking at his big bag and his well....... crotch I guess..... and I was gonna walk past when he ask me in a normal voice..... ( no deep baritone voice...coz this is not a movie)
Bomb Guy:"Hey.... sorry..... do you know if there are any buses from here to Woodlands? "Me: Im sorry....Im not sure..my office just moved here...."Bomb Guy: Oh well....its alright then....I had a boyfriend then.... well maybe not one... but I had 2 boyfriends then...... one was this stupid freak ass army sergeant who thought I did'nt know he was cheating on me....and the other one was this NUS science student who wants to move to Iraq to help Osama win his country back.....Enough men trouble,so I decided to walk on to the MRT and forget about this extremely cute heart stopping bastard with the big bag behind me....
So i fished out my Mrt card... ( have not started the modelling agency yet back in 2003 so had no money to take taxi) and walked up the stairs...(fucking MRT had to stop their escalator to save energy) I was aware that the guy was also climbing the stairs...and just to make sure it was him and not some bloody construction worker....I turned around...
Bomb Guy: Do you know what time is the last train?"Me:(In my heart)...... dude... I dont work for the freaking LTA...how the fuck would I know... the MRT driver aint my husband..." Instead.... I look at my watch...and told him we got a couple of minutes left.....
I walked on....my "hooker" heels making clicking noises. I thought I was walking super fast for a girl in high heels...but he was faster...
We happen to be waiting on the same track... towards west (this is not some Harry-Met Sally shit or Sleepless In Seattle) but we were pretty near each other.....
Mrt comes...I step in...he step in.... ( almost fucking midnight...the MRT was still quite crowded) oh yah its a freaking Saturday... We stood in the middle of 2 cabins.... where the wind will blow right into your face and I was trying my best to balance my huge bag and he was also trying to balance his...Since the wind from the cracks of the cabin was blowing in my hair, I was acting like I was in a photo shoot of a Calvin Klein ad...I must have look ridiclulous coz he started leaning closer to me.
and askedBomb Guy: So you work in Clementi?"I decided to throw away all the Whats-Your-Name- crap and changed to I-WANNA-SCREW-THE-BRAINS-RIGHT-OUT-OF-YOUR-HEAD mode and asked him"Ok why dont you tell me what you have in your bag and what you were doing at the bus stop?"Bomb Guy : You really wanna know whats in my bag?" Come closer......I walked over to him ...or rather moonwalk towards him coz the MRT was going really fast like Mission Impossible.... and I could sniff a little of Davidoff scent on him.... he had soft wavy black hair, really nice white teeth..... and then he open his bag slightly... I gasped....
Dig this..... there was one huge bottle of Baileys, one huge bottle of Cabarnet Sauvignon wine...and another bottle of Absolute Vodka....and a couple of beers..
Me:What the fuck.....? what are you? A club owner? A smuggler?"Bomb Guy: Im having a house party tomorrow, my parents are overseas so I got them from a friend who owns a barMe: Wow....thats a lot of liquor...... a damn lot you got there...Bomb Guy: So what you got in your big bag?Me: The usual..... handcuffs, vaseline....... lubricants and condoms...Bomb Guy: No kidding ( he had a Malay accent but good English)I open my bags and this time it was his turn to gasp.... coz all he saw was my laptop and my clothes...I giggled like a hyena (should really work on that sometimes) I tried the Sharon Stone Basic Instinct look but it also didnt work out quite well.....I probably look like the donkey from Shrek...
So we talked and he told me his name ...but he never once did tell me what he work as....and I never bothered to ask coz I had no intention of knowing him after the MRT ride...Woodlands came..... and he asked me point blank"Can we talk more?""At my house I mean....."
First reaction:What the fuck....I only know him for 20 minutes and he's asking me to his house.Second reaction:What the fuck again? What are the chances of my dream man in a living breathing form asking me to go to his house happening again? None....so I agreedTo any girls below 18 who may be reading this "Dont ever do this.... its risky...even if he looks like Antonio Banderas or Orlando Bloom....dont follow anyone home!"But I was 21 and didnt want to see him go....My 1 out of 2 boyfriends suddenly called me and I told him I was with my boss and Ill call back.( One excuse you can use to cheat on your boyfren/girlfren)
I guess its the mysterious way he looks at me that made me want to follow him....I dont know what he works as, I dont even know if that was his real name ... but you see...meeting someone in a club and going back with that person.... (drunk) is a normal situation.But I met this guy at the bus stop and I was perfectly sober....I must have left my brains at home that morning
He lived in the depest deepest end of Woodlands.......and we had to take a taxi there.His house was deeply surrounded by thick woods and forests (I could have been killed)Halfway through my cousin called me ( the one whose heels I was wearing) and asked me where I was....."Im in a taxi"Cousin: Ohhhh....kkkkkkkk where to?Me: Home...Cousin:Look..... I didnt share the same toilet with you when we were younger for you to tell me that you are going home on a Saturday night, where are you?"I spoke in Spanish to her..so he wont understand..and explained I was on a date Cousin: Ohhhh.....kkkkkkk say hi to Rizal for me (Rizal is the army sergeant...NO 1 loser boyfren) No 2 NUS loser boyfren was probably studying physics so he can invent a USB port connected vibrator...so Bomb Guy gave me that smile again and ask"You are Spanish?"It was my turn to give him that smile.......... I told him my name was Sharmayne..... so he can go and scratch his butthole to figure that out......I didnt want to give away much coz he thought I wasn't Malay but I certainly wasn't gonna tell him Im Indonesian with a north indian mum...and too much of the states brought on the American accent and too much of hispanics, spanish boyfriends....and step dads..hence my knowing how to speak Spanish.. so let him think what he wants...
His house was a clean 5 room flat house. He walked in..... with his shoes ... so i walked in with mine....He did not on the lights..... just went to the dining table and lit up 2 candles.....There was a huge mirror on the wall leading to his bedroom.....and I had no idea why but the huge mirror that Pamela Anderson has in her bedroom suddenly makes much more sense to me....I was imagining crude images on the mirror when he asked if I wanted meat for dinner...
I thought he meant it in a crude way so I was about to scream at him when I saw he held a frying pan and a huge slab of meat in a plate....He wanted to cook dinner for his friends tomorrow but he wouldnt mind cooking some steak for me nowAt that point of time...... the word meat and the image of a cow totally dissapeared from my mind.... the only meat I had in my mind was well......you know......meatI loved sirloin steaks.... especially those huge ones they have at Marches.....black pepper sauce and all but looking at his gorgeous frame and soft hair in the candle light....I suddenly lose my appetitte for cow meat......So I said no" Im a vegetarian"He raised an eyebrow and started laughing out loud.......Bomb Guy: Some wine?Me: No....Ill have milk..(what the fuck.....)Ok....wine is fine....I told him I needed to use the bathroom.....He pointed me straight to his bedroom....
Once inside....I closed the door ( keep in mind I only met him for only an hour now)I saw books and books about law on his table...... papers after papers of cases....And an actual case he was working on.... that was when I realised he was a lawyer...either a practising lawyer or an intern lawyer.On his bedroom walls.....were pictures of him....... in a boxing ring..... fighting.... him in a boxing shorts and boxing gloves and actually a picture of a huge boxer in the standard pose of a bodybuilder...... of a news paper article... I figured it was his dad or his grandfather due to the yellow pigments that was appearing on the paper...He was a boxer too.....interesting.... I saw a couple of photos on his desk and there was a photo of him with a girl ( trust me.... the girl aint good looking.....) I asked myself.... what the hell am I doing in this stranger's house who might have a girlfriend and I was dating people too..... at least he didnt lie to me about his name....it was all over his boxing trophys....The door opened....... and he asked"Find anything interesting?"Me:Nope.... except that a gorgeous guy like you have quite a plain looking girlfriend"I regretted it the moment the words came out of my mouth...But he smiled and said....."Thats my ex girlfriend....... she left me 6 months ago....coz she thought I was'nt spending enough time on her"He asked me whether I had a boyfriend...I told him....I never had one....I only date....and that was when he asked me if I was a hooker....I told him no...." workign as a programmer with ticketing company but there was a little social escort on the sidelines in the past......and Im still studying..."He started laughing.....Me and my big mouth:You don't look much like a lawyer"Bomb Guy:Im in my last year of law and I am a boxer by hobby. What are you studying?"Me:Psychology major... The he asked me something that made my blood cold....Bomb Guy: What did you derive when I brought you home tonight?"Me: Im not a stray cat.......I chose to come. (I realised it was true.....Im not such a crazy horny ass freak to follow strangers to their home....Ive never done something so stupid in my life before but this major hottie standing infront of me....was like something that came out of my dreams and into reality.........)
I drank a tiny wee bit of vodka and Baileys.... Im not the type to drink until you put a whole line of tequillas and and whiskey right in front of me.....I wasn't drunk....I refused his steak dinner.....and he switched on the CD...I was expecting Kenny G or some Craig David....but what came out was pure lounge music......a little acid jazz........His air con was leaking badly so he took a bucket and put it underneath and said"Sorry......Im a little bit kampong..."I started laughing.........
To protect the current relationship Im in and also a lot of unnecassary accusations and comments,I shall not print in details the incidents of that night.But what I learnt from that lawyer in that one night, will make my toothpaste squueze its contents out by itself.......I can read endless books and watch endless videos, but I could never never learn what he taught me that one night in a million years.........My life wasn't perfect then... he gave me a lot of advices Meeting him opened up a whole lot of fear I had in me and I realised life is short....so fuck it....just do whatever I wanna do....and get whatever I want to have........2 years from that date I met him....I plunged headlong into my business, my studies and finally became a happier personThe only bad outcome of that night was the fact that I couldn't pee for a week. I also quit drinking for good and since that night I havent touch any liquor and not even wine.That same night before I drowned myself in sleep...I pointed at his ex girlfriend's picture......and said to her"You are a fool for letting him go girl...........this guy is GOD SENT" Maybe he may not have time but he was certainly the most interesting conversationalist I have ever met
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing endlessly ........Me:Hello...Cousin: Where in the slumps of this God forsaken world are you?Me: Oh god.....whats the time now?"Cousin: Time to get your ass out of bed.... and get to work..... we have a show at Suntec today....where the heck are you?Me:Give me 2o minutes...Im on my way....wait for me at Clementi MRT...
I grabbed my bag...... and searched for my phone....And rushed out..... and ran straight into him..... Mr Bomb Guy ...He held out my phone and gave it to me...I saw a plate in his hand...."Im making pancakes...... want.some..?He never got to finish his sentence......I told him I had to go.......kissed him quickly on his lips and I left him standing there with his Calvin Klein sweat pants and a plate........Imagine leaving the best thing I have ever laid my eyes on (with the worlds most interesting package).... leaving his house without asking for his number...... But I didnt have to worry.....
He called me that same day asking if I wanted to go to his party that nightMe:How did you get my number?"Bomb guy:Im a lawyer, girl..... give me some credit...Me:Mmmmmmm I dont think so....I got a lot of work to do....
He called me a few times for a few months after that to ask if I wanted to go out, or meet his friends for dinner at One Night Stand comedy club(...the irony of it all.....) his friends hang out there....Lol..... but I never met him again..... I didnt want to..... he was something that could never be part of my life....and eventually I changed my number............Last year I looked him up on msn messenger, friendster coz he did give me his email once.....but he wasn't in both.....his number was long gone.....all I had was just a photo I took in my phone that night.......I have a boyfriend now...... and if he reads this.... he wont freak coz he already knows he has a crazy girlfriend to began with......... and our anniversary thats creeping up will also help remind me how much I have mellowed down.......
Bomb Guy........wherever you are.......before I leave Singapore.....it wouldn't hurt to bump into you just one last time..... lol... (but I wont follow you home)ps:To all my fellow girlfriends..... its better to follow a stranger home when you are not drunk.... or not in a club....... coz at least you dont start seeing him as Brad Pitt when he actually looks like Freddy Krueger.....get my drift...you might wake up screaming at the top of your lungs if you wake up the next morning beside a Star Wars lookalike creature...... xoxo.
If he wasn't so good looking...... I would have been suspicious. He's alone at the bus stop.....its close to 12...... he has a big bag.... what the fuck? He could be a member of the Al Qaedah for fuck.....I wouldnt even know......... he could be a human bomb.....judging from the buldge in his pants....... there could really be a bomb....I borrowed my cousin's hooker heels.... ( its damn high heeled.... imagine those porn stars in the porn movies kinda heels with a leopard print on the inside and fur on the outside)Just imagine..... but I was only wearing a black office skirt and a white blouse (come to think of it....I was actually wearing exactly like him) and I myself was carrying a big bag.....
As I walked nearer to him.... I realised that he's very good looking.....He has tan skin...he looks Malay....(the kind I like for Malay guys....chinese mixture keannu-reeves lookalike)......... he was giving me a weird look coz we were the only two people left at the bus stop..... and I was a little scared.....He was looking at my big bag and my heels and I was looking at his big bag and his well....... crotch I guess..... and I was gonna walk past when he ask me in a normal voice..... ( no deep baritone voice...coz this is not a movie)
Bomb Guy:"Hey.... sorry..... do you know if there are any buses from here to Woodlands? "Me: Im sorry....Im not sure..my office just moved here...."Bomb Guy: Oh well....its alright then....I had a boyfriend then.... well maybe not one... but I had 2 boyfriends then...... one was this stupid freak ass army sergeant who thought I did'nt know he was cheating on me....and the other one was this NUS science student who wants to move to Iraq to help Osama win his country back.....Enough men trouble,so I decided to walk on to the MRT and forget about this extremely cute heart stopping bastard with the big bag behind me....
So i fished out my Mrt card... ( have not started the modelling agency yet back in 2003 so had no money to take taxi) and walked up the stairs...(fucking MRT had to stop their escalator to save energy) I was aware that the guy was also climbing the stairs...and just to make sure it was him and not some bloody construction worker....I turned around...
Bomb Guy: Do you know what time is the last train?"Me:(In my heart)...... dude... I dont work for the freaking LTA...how the fuck would I know... the MRT driver aint my husband..." Instead.... I look at my watch...and told him we got a couple of minutes left.....
I walked on....my "hooker" heels making clicking noises. I thought I was walking super fast for a girl in high heels...but he was faster...
We happen to be waiting on the same track... towards west (this is not some Harry-Met Sally shit or Sleepless In Seattle) but we were pretty near each other.....
Mrt comes...I step in...he step in.... ( almost fucking midnight...the MRT was still quite crowded) oh yah its a freaking Saturday... We stood in the middle of 2 cabins.... where the wind will blow right into your face and I was trying my best to balance my huge bag and he was also trying to balance his...Since the wind from the cracks of the cabin was blowing in my hair, I was acting like I was in a photo shoot of a Calvin Klein ad...I must have look ridiclulous coz he started leaning closer to me.
and askedBomb Guy: So you work in Clementi?"I decided to throw away all the Whats-Your-Name- crap and changed to I-WANNA-SCREW-THE-BRAINS-RIGHT-OUT-OF-YOUR-HEAD mode and asked him"Ok why dont you tell me what you have in your bag and what you were doing at the bus stop?"Bomb Guy : You really wanna know whats in my bag?" Come closer......I walked over to him ...or rather moonwalk towards him coz the MRT was going really fast like Mission Impossible.... and I could sniff a little of Davidoff scent on him.... he had soft wavy black hair, really nice white teeth..... and then he open his bag slightly... I gasped....
Dig this..... there was one huge bottle of Baileys, one huge bottle of Cabarnet Sauvignon wine...and another bottle of Absolute Vodka....and a couple of beers..
Me:What the fuck.....? what are you? A club owner? A smuggler?"Bomb Guy: Im having a house party tomorrow, my parents are overseas so I got them from a friend who owns a barMe: Wow....thats a lot of liquor...... a damn lot you got there...Bomb Guy: So what you got in your big bag?Me: The usual..... handcuffs, vaseline....... lubricants and condoms...Bomb Guy: No kidding ( he had a Malay accent but good English)I open my bags and this time it was his turn to gasp.... coz all he saw was my laptop and my clothes...I giggled like a hyena (should really work on that sometimes) I tried the Sharon Stone Basic Instinct look but it also didnt work out quite well.....I probably look like the donkey from Shrek...
So we talked and he told me his name ...but he never once did tell me what he work as....and I never bothered to ask coz I had no intention of knowing him after the MRT ride...Woodlands came..... and he asked me point blank"Can we talk more?""At my house I mean....."
First reaction:What the fuck....I only know him for 20 minutes and he's asking me to his house.Second reaction:What the fuck again? What are the chances of my dream man in a living breathing form asking me to go to his house happening again? None....so I agreedTo any girls below 18 who may be reading this "Dont ever do this.... its risky...even if he looks like Antonio Banderas or Orlando Bloom....dont follow anyone home!"But I was 21 and didnt want to see him go....My 1 out of 2 boyfriends suddenly called me and I told him I was with my boss and Ill call back.( One excuse you can use to cheat on your boyfren/girlfren)
I guess its the mysterious way he looks at me that made me want to follow him....I dont know what he works as, I dont even know if that was his real name ... but you see...meeting someone in a club and going back with that person.... (drunk) is a normal situation.But I met this guy at the bus stop and I was perfectly sober....I must have left my brains at home that morning
He lived in the depest deepest end of Woodlands.......and we had to take a taxi there.His house was deeply surrounded by thick woods and forests (I could have been killed)Halfway through my cousin called me ( the one whose heels I was wearing) and asked me where I was....."Im in a taxi"Cousin: Ohhhh....kkkkkkkk where to?Me: Home...Cousin:Look..... I didnt share the same toilet with you when we were younger for you to tell me that you are going home on a Saturday night, where are you?"I spoke in Spanish to her..so he wont understand..and explained I was on a date Cousin: Ohhhh.....kkkkkkk say hi to Rizal for me (Rizal is the army sergeant...NO 1 loser boyfren) No 2 NUS loser boyfren was probably studying physics so he can invent a USB port connected vibrator...so Bomb Guy gave me that smile again and ask"You are Spanish?"It was my turn to give him that smile.......... I told him my name was Sharmayne..... so he can go and scratch his butthole to figure that out......I didnt want to give away much coz he thought I wasn't Malay but I certainly wasn't gonna tell him Im Indonesian with a north indian mum...and too much of the states brought on the American accent and too much of hispanics, spanish boyfriends....and step dads..hence my knowing how to speak Spanish.. so let him think what he wants...
His house was a clean 5 room flat house. He walked in..... with his shoes ... so i walked in with mine....He did not on the lights..... just went to the dining table and lit up 2 candles.....There was a huge mirror on the wall leading to his bedroom.....and I had no idea why but the huge mirror that Pamela Anderson has in her bedroom suddenly makes much more sense to me....I was imagining crude images on the mirror when he asked if I wanted meat for dinner...
I thought he meant it in a crude way so I was about to scream at him when I saw he held a frying pan and a huge slab of meat in a plate....He wanted to cook dinner for his friends tomorrow but he wouldnt mind cooking some steak for me nowAt that point of time...... the word meat and the image of a cow totally dissapeared from my mind.... the only meat I had in my mind was well......you know......meatI loved sirloin steaks.... especially those huge ones they have at Marches.....black pepper sauce and all but looking at his gorgeous frame and soft hair in the candle light....I suddenly lose my appetitte for cow meat......So I said no" Im a vegetarian"He raised an eyebrow and started laughing out loud.......Bomb Guy: Some wine?Me: No....Ill have milk..(what the fuck.....)Ok....wine is fine....I told him I needed to use the bathroom.....He pointed me straight to his bedroom....
Once inside....I closed the door ( keep in mind I only met him for only an hour now)I saw books and books about law on his table...... papers after papers of cases....And an actual case he was working on.... that was when I realised he was a lawyer...either a practising lawyer or an intern lawyer.On his bedroom walls.....were pictures of him....... in a boxing ring..... fighting.... him in a boxing shorts and boxing gloves and actually a picture of a huge boxer in the standard pose of a bodybuilder...... of a news paper article... I figured it was his dad or his grandfather due to the yellow pigments that was appearing on the paper...He was a boxer too.....interesting.... I saw a couple of photos on his desk and there was a photo of him with a girl ( trust me.... the girl aint good looking.....) I asked myself.... what the hell am I doing in this stranger's house who might have a girlfriend and I was dating people too..... at least he didnt lie to me about his name....it was all over his boxing trophys....The door opened....... and he asked"Find anything interesting?"Me:Nope.... except that a gorgeous guy like you have quite a plain looking girlfriend"I regretted it the moment the words came out of my mouth...But he smiled and said....."Thats my ex girlfriend....... she left me 6 months ago....coz she thought I was'nt spending enough time on her"He asked me whether I had a boyfriend...I told him....I never had one....I only date....and that was when he asked me if I was a hooker....I told him no...." workign as a programmer with ticketing company but there was a little social escort on the sidelines in the past......and Im still studying..."He started laughing.....Me and my big mouth:You don't look much like a lawyer"Bomb Guy:Im in my last year of law and I am a boxer by hobby. What are you studying?"Me:Psychology major... The he asked me something that made my blood cold....Bomb Guy: What did you derive when I brought you home tonight?"Me: Im not a stray cat.......I chose to come. (I realised it was true.....Im not such a crazy horny ass freak to follow strangers to their home....Ive never done something so stupid in my life before but this major hottie standing infront of me....was like something that came out of my dreams and into reality.........)
I drank a tiny wee bit of vodka and Baileys.... Im not the type to drink until you put a whole line of tequillas and and whiskey right in front of me.....I wasn't drunk....I refused his steak dinner.....and he switched on the CD...I was expecting Kenny G or some Craig David....but what came out was pure lounge music......a little acid jazz........His air con was leaking badly so he took a bucket and put it underneath and said"Sorry......Im a little bit kampong..."I started laughing.........
To protect the current relationship Im in and also a lot of unnecassary accusations and comments,I shall not print in details the incidents of that night.But what I learnt from that lawyer in that one night, will make my toothpaste squueze its contents out by itself.......I can read endless books and watch endless videos, but I could never never learn what he taught me that one night in a million years.........My life wasn't perfect then... he gave me a lot of advices Meeting him opened up a whole lot of fear I had in me and I realised life is short....so fuck it....just do whatever I wanna do....and get whatever I want to have........2 years from that date I met him....I plunged headlong into my business, my studies and finally became a happier personThe only bad outcome of that night was the fact that I couldn't pee for a week. I also quit drinking for good and since that night I havent touch any liquor and not even wine.That same night before I drowned myself in sleep...I pointed at his ex girlfriend's picture......and said to her"You are a fool for letting him go girl...........this guy is GOD SENT" Maybe he may not have time but he was certainly the most interesting conversationalist I have ever met
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing endlessly ........Me:Hello...Cousin: Where in the slumps of this God forsaken world are you?Me: Oh god.....whats the time now?"Cousin: Time to get your ass out of bed.... and get to work..... we have a show at Suntec today....where the heck are you?Me:Give me 2o minutes...Im on my way....wait for me at Clementi MRT...
I grabbed my bag...... and searched for my phone....And rushed out..... and ran straight into him..... Mr Bomb Guy ...He held out my phone and gave it to me...I saw a plate in his hand...."Im making pancakes...... want.some..?He never got to finish his sentence......I told him I had to go.......kissed him quickly on his lips and I left him standing there with his Calvin Klein sweat pants and a plate........Imagine leaving the best thing I have ever laid my eyes on (with the worlds most interesting package).... leaving his house without asking for his number...... But I didnt have to worry.....
He called me that same day asking if I wanted to go to his party that nightMe:How did you get my number?"Bomb guy:Im a lawyer, girl..... give me some credit...Me:Mmmmmmm I dont think so....I got a lot of work to do....
He called me a few times for a few months after that to ask if I wanted to go out, or meet his friends for dinner at One Night Stand comedy club(...the irony of it all.....) his friends hang out there....Lol..... but I never met him again..... I didnt want to..... he was something that could never be part of my life....and eventually I changed my number............Last year I looked him up on msn messenger, friendster coz he did give me his email once.....but he wasn't in both.....his number was long gone.....all I had was just a photo I took in my phone that night.......I have a boyfriend now...... and if he reads this.... he wont freak coz he already knows he has a crazy girlfriend to began with......... and our anniversary thats creeping up will also help remind me how much I have mellowed down.......
Bomb Guy........wherever you are.......before I leave Singapore.....it wouldn't hurt to bump into you just one last time..... lol... (but I wont follow you home)ps:To all my fellow girlfriends..... its better to follow a stranger home when you are not drunk.... or not in a club....... coz at least you dont start seeing him as Brad Pitt when he actually looks like Freddy Krueger.....get my drift...you might wake up screaming at the top of your lungs if you wake up the next morning beside a Star Wars lookalike creature...... xoxo.
Posted from Frinedster 26th November 2005
Great Locations
Office..moved...Tanjong Pagar...twenty minutes away from home...My sleep time extended to 2 hours...enough said... (apart from the fact it still looks like Jurassic Park dinasours decided to shit in my office)I love the location...Hundreds of boring guys......in office suits...taking smoke breaks...And flirting with Starbucks staff everyday......nothing much.Plus THE famous Lau Pa Sat which is not so ok in my humble opinionCoz all the sleazy Caucasians brings their Filipina girlfriends thereN too much cheapie you know with Americans....... I call them SPG.If its me....people wont know.... coz they usually cant guess my race..."gawks n rolls around with laughter""Sarcasm is just one of the services my company offer"Its like my mum give birth to me with a foul mouth.I still have not managed to resolve Sexpo accounts.....still trying...still trying..Bought tickets to Chesnut from an over friendly dude on Sistic Hotline ( the kind that make you want to hang up on them coz they scream " Good evening...Sistic...my name is so and so and so....how may I help you?"I usually answer the phone (if I goddamn have to) with "Good evening...how can you help me?"For the anniversary this Sunday... just a dinner and a show at Raffles Hotel.......Can you believe this word "anniversary" coming out of my mouth? People like Carmen Electra,Pamela Anderson,Elizabeth Taylor and J LO are my idols.....they change husbands like they change the carpet on their floors......me? Im having an anniversary........lol............... in the past 23 years of my life....... my first anniverary
Things Women Cant Live Without
Zahid finally change his status in friendster from "single" to "In a relationship" when I never asked him to.Mine remains "Its complicated"
Things Women "In General" Can't Live Without
1)Mirror ( it could be compact, it could be as big as the bedroom door, but I have a friend who has 5 mirrors in one room, and this friend only lives in a 3 room flat.For me, I dont carry mirrors around because I dont have a compact powder. The only mirror I use are the back of my cds, the camera in my handphone, and the MRT windows and the eyes of the person Im out with.(I get them to lean real close)
2) Compact powder ( sometimes the mirror is big enough to be able to see your face plus the person standing behind you) I already mentioned I dont own a compact powder so case closed.
3) Facial blotters ( I dont have one either..... coz I dont do anything when I sweat...imagine you are having sex, bobbing up and down....and then you use a facial blotter..... so I leave it as it is.coz sweat is inevitable.but I have to say its a useful product for you to look good and fresh always......
4) Handbag -lipsticks,a complete make up set,lipstick,an extra lip gloss,purse and I know a friend who never fails to carry an umbrella around( she's really cute and funny,but she has a point, umbrella is important),handphone in a pouch.I envy women like that......coz I usually carry a big bag ( imagine a hooker's bag) and in it I carry everything from clothes to laptop to more clothes to perfume and to the receipts I had when I had lunch at Swensens 4 months ago...to the credit card receipts I used at NewAsia Bar..... 4 months ago also...and if Im in luck,I can search for an umbrella, business times....New York Times.... (unbelievable)and yes books.magazines.....scores of them.....and finally I found my lip gloss...... in my gym socks (????????????????????) I fortunately cant wear make up coz I have sensitive skin.I cant even use powder...........So I usually have an eyelash curler, a lip gloss. Sad but true....last time I wore a powder and foundation,I ended up in a skin clinic looking like Fusa from Madagascar.
5)HandphoneHow my friends manage to keep their phones in a handphone pouch for months amazes me.My cousin's pouch was from a bright pink colour to a total state of almost black and its been a year...I have changed pouches from week to week,from Prada (which Im still recovering from losing it) to those cute cartoon ones you get at bazaars....to nothing....my poor phone now has nothing...unless it nestles comfortably in my clothes or my extra panties in my bag...get what I mean.
6)OrganiserLets just face it.... I have to thank 3M...coz I have had organisers after organisers....but none of them has been used.... only little slips of paper that the staff leave for me on my table.... or just sms. Even my models know my style....they dont even leave a message (they either just dont turn up) and I GET the message or they sms me. They dont even call coz half of the time,I cant even answer my calls coz I cant find my phone or Im too busy and cant hear it.Losing of clients, dont worry ( my cousin Pamela who happens to be my business partner cum secretary will follow up on it) I lose them...she gains them back with the everlasting "Oh my god....Im so sorry she missed your call...but you can talk to me......."
7)PantylinersIm not sure..... bout this one....but Carefree seems to be the best brand that sells pantyliners...as for me the word Carefree strucks me as "no panties at all.....going commando"thats what I mean Carefree....
8)Feminine WashI finally obtained my first one from Watsons......... after 7 years of nagging from my mum whom I havent seen since last year.
9)Boys....wait...BOYSOh yeah........the B word...D.......B word. When you are not dating someone, its call flirting.When you are seeing someone especially after a whole year......its called infidelity (cheating)(lying)(betraying)....you get the idea.What the fuck? I live by the song "Boys" from Brtiney Spears........ its like a mantra....
10)PerfumeI don't know where I placed my Estee Lauder"Pleasures".....been stealing HIS burberrys.....and his Nivea After Shave deodarant....who cares? I noticed women love Estee Lauder perfumes........... I do too...but every women should try Shiseido Energising Fragrance......oh god...that is heaven....
11)Sweets and mintsI carry mints not because I have a sweet tooth...its because Im always hoping to snog a stranger (like my girlfriends snogging handsome,cute strangers on an airplane) never tried that one though....coz everytime I sit in an airplane....I either get an Indian computer expert who requests for vegetarian meals( he will therefore not be able to understand the essential need for meat in my life) or an old British businessman who prefers to sleep and argues with me as to why he cannot give up his aisle seat for me....somehow as much as I avoid it...my flight usually almost as good as always have to be a transit flight to Japan....so its a dead end guess as to what nationality the majority of men in my flights are made up of.......
12)SexI dunno about this one.....but the girlfriends I hang out with seem to have an Energizer "Never Say Die" battery attached to them when it comes to the S word.... and since Im apparently going out with dream meat ..(according to a girlfriend)..someone they can take home to mama,make mama happy...and still be able to make mama herself horny .Im supposed to be a lucky bitch?For me......lets just put it this way........I get my share...ok....stop asking if he is as good as he looks on my King Koil sheets....
13)Beeper was an in thing in 1995.....in 2005...Id say.... digital cameraAs for me...I have a digital camera....and I never use it...
14) VibratorActually....it depends on countries....women in Singapore do not actually need this....coz they are well....more on the conservative side....but in US....this is a highly needed product...
14)Bang Bus.com Every women'S favourite wesbite when nobody's looking.....oh wait.....its only me....SHIT!
15)Sexy lingeries.....Im gonna have to draw a real line from here.....coz nobody wants to see what I wear to sleep..Most women can actually go all out to buy VS, Blush and Womens Secret............ I only receive them as gifts but I never use them.... I do..only for special occasions....and when I mean special...I mean....totally- worthy -of- a- lingerie- occasion... and that doesnt come often.....
If there are any other womens essentials that should be on this page.....let me know.xoxoMel
Things Women "In General" Can't Live Without
1)Mirror ( it could be compact, it could be as big as the bedroom door, but I have a friend who has 5 mirrors in one room, and this friend only lives in a 3 room flat.For me, I dont carry mirrors around because I dont have a compact powder. The only mirror I use are the back of my cds, the camera in my handphone, and the MRT windows and the eyes of the person Im out with.(I get them to lean real close)
2) Compact powder ( sometimes the mirror is big enough to be able to see your face plus the person standing behind you) I already mentioned I dont own a compact powder so case closed.
3) Facial blotters ( I dont have one either..... coz I dont do anything when I sweat...imagine you are having sex, bobbing up and down....and then you use a facial blotter..... so I leave it as it is.coz sweat is inevitable.but I have to say its a useful product for you to look good and fresh always......
4) Handbag -lipsticks,a complete make up set,lipstick,an extra lip gloss,purse and I know a friend who never fails to carry an umbrella around( she's really cute and funny,but she has a point, umbrella is important),handphone in a pouch.I envy women like that......coz I usually carry a big bag ( imagine a hooker's bag) and in it I carry everything from clothes to laptop to more clothes to perfume and to the receipts I had when I had lunch at Swensens 4 months ago...to the credit card receipts I used at NewAsia Bar..... 4 months ago also...and if Im in luck,I can search for an umbrella, business times....New York Times.... (unbelievable)and yes books.magazines.....scores of them.....and finally I found my lip gloss...... in my gym socks (????????????????????) I fortunately cant wear make up coz I have sensitive skin.I cant even use powder...........So I usually have an eyelash curler, a lip gloss. Sad but true....last time I wore a powder and foundation,I ended up in a skin clinic looking like Fusa from Madagascar.
5)HandphoneHow my friends manage to keep their phones in a handphone pouch for months amazes me.My cousin's pouch was from a bright pink colour to a total state of almost black and its been a year...I have changed pouches from week to week,from Prada (which Im still recovering from losing it) to those cute cartoon ones you get at bazaars....to nothing....my poor phone now has nothing...unless it nestles comfortably in my clothes or my extra panties in my bag...get what I mean.
6)OrganiserLets just face it.... I have to thank 3M...coz I have had organisers after organisers....but none of them has been used.... only little slips of paper that the staff leave for me on my table.... or just sms. Even my models know my style....they dont even leave a message (they either just dont turn up) and I GET the message or they sms me. They dont even call coz half of the time,I cant even answer my calls coz I cant find my phone or Im too busy and cant hear it.Losing of clients, dont worry ( my cousin Pamela who happens to be my business partner cum secretary will follow up on it) I lose them...she gains them back with the everlasting "Oh my god....Im so sorry she missed your call...but you can talk to me......."
7)PantylinersIm not sure..... bout this one....but Carefree seems to be the best brand that sells pantyliners...as for me the word Carefree strucks me as "no panties at all.....going commando"thats what I mean Carefree....
8)Feminine WashI finally obtained my first one from Watsons......... after 7 years of nagging from my mum whom I havent seen since last year.
9)Boys....wait...BOYSOh yeah........the B word...D.......B word. When you are not dating someone, its call flirting.When you are seeing someone especially after a whole year......its called infidelity (cheating)(lying)(betraying)....you get the idea.What the fuck? I live by the song "Boys" from Brtiney Spears........ its like a mantra....
10)PerfumeI don't know where I placed my Estee Lauder"Pleasures".....been stealing HIS burberrys.....and his Nivea After Shave deodarant....who cares? I noticed women love Estee Lauder perfumes........... I do too...but every women should try Shiseido Energising Fragrance......oh god...that is heaven....
11)Sweets and mintsI carry mints not because I have a sweet tooth...its because Im always hoping to snog a stranger (like my girlfriends snogging handsome,cute strangers on an airplane) never tried that one though....coz everytime I sit in an airplane....I either get an Indian computer expert who requests for vegetarian meals( he will therefore not be able to understand the essential need for meat in my life) or an old British businessman who prefers to sleep and argues with me as to why he cannot give up his aisle seat for me....somehow as much as I avoid it...my flight usually almost as good as always have to be a transit flight to Japan....so its a dead end guess as to what nationality the majority of men in my flights are made up of.......
12)SexI dunno about this one.....but the girlfriends I hang out with seem to have an Energizer "Never Say Die" battery attached to them when it comes to the S word.... and since Im apparently going out with dream meat ..(according to a girlfriend)..someone they can take home to mama,make mama happy...and still be able to make mama herself horny .Im supposed to be a lucky bitch?For me......lets just put it this way........I get my share...ok....stop asking if he is as good as he looks on my King Koil sheets....
13)Beeper was an in thing in 1995.....in 2005...Id say.... digital cameraAs for me...I have a digital camera....and I never use it...
14) VibratorActually....it depends on countries....women in Singapore do not actually need this....coz they are well....more on the conservative side....but in US....this is a highly needed product...
14)Bang Bus.com Every women'S favourite wesbite when nobody's looking.....oh wait.....its only me....SHIT!
15)Sexy lingeries.....Im gonna have to draw a real line from here.....coz nobody wants to see what I wear to sleep..Most women can actually go all out to buy VS, Blush and Womens Secret............ I only receive them as gifts but I never use them.... I do..only for special occasions....and when I mean special...I mean....totally- worthy -of- a- lingerie- occasion... and that doesnt come often.....
If there are any other womens essentials that should be on this page.....let me know.xoxoMel
Wedding Crashing
If I was single, one of my new year resolutions of 2006 would be to crash as many weddings possible.But sadly all my comradies are either married or have boyfriends or have just retired from the scene.Thats simple..... coz right now...I officially dont have a Saturday Night Out girl group anymore..... US Navy ships docking has become an oblivious situation for me.....In the past, it would have been a champagne opening,Land Ahoy welcome for the sailors for me and my girlfriends but the past 2 years has been retirement from the social escorting scenes. ( The whole Monday "Ryan",Tuesday "Keith", Wednesday "Aaron" kind of life aint working for me anymore) And if Ryan from Monday is good....he stays for the whole week...get my drift?
2 of my mates have gotten married and have babies. One of my other mates cum cousin well......I dont know....it seems that she still have the Im-congratulating-you-but-Im-checking-Out-Your-Best-Man spirit in her. I can't wait for that spirit to come back into full sparks.Coz I miss that..... I miss that a lot...I have a boyfriend myself.....so it makes it doubly hard........ but I didnt realise how much I miss those times.......when Saturday nights out are not spent with our boyfriends in clubs and the last time I hit on the bartender....... my boyfriend hug me from the back a few seconds after I told the bartender I was at the club alone.........I swear he looked like he was gonna throw the drink I ordered at my face........ ( I quit drinking by the way....been sober for 2 years now) coz when I get drunk, I can't differentiate between a woman and a man.....thats bad....very bad...
See? Plans backfires....so Ive keep my big mouth shut to myself....and plus the ring that I have now on my finger (courtesy of my boyfriend who does not want to tell me straight to my face, that its sort of an engagament not made official yet) so Im gonna leave it at that....coz Singapore has this darn thing called National Service....and I know my boyfriend is working his lungs out now.....hoping that he will save enough money before he strips himself bare naked for Singapore in the army.....and many things can happen when he is in the army...
He might drop a bar of soap in the shower...and have his crack humped on ...never mind... you know...its gay stuff...and Im sure...Singapore National Service has a strict rule about gays etc...so my boyfriend is quite safe, he is after all not going to prison.His asshole is covered.But many things can happen, lots of my girlfriends broke up with their boyfriends because of NS.... coz their dudes dont have enough time for them....but I am always so busy and even now I dont see my boyfriend everyday but its fine with me...... coz 4 times a month is sufficient but during NS....he is sweating out in the jungle while I do the Madagascar with some other people out here...it dosent seem right......
The movie "wedding crashers" has sadly reminded me of times where Im shedding tears coz the dude Im seeing today was less cuter than the dude I was seeing yesterday.
Im not saying Im not happy with my relationship, I am. Im very happy but when I think about the future, its hard not to look back and cry "Mummy!" "What the fuck were you thinking when you got married?' I feel like asking people who break up after being together for more than 3 years...I feel like asking them "What do you do now? How are you gonna move on?" Ive never been with a guy for more than a month....and Ive been seeing Zahid for more than a year now.... I hope he can finish NS quickly so we all can move to the States...but sometimes Im sitting down and thinking..... I guess its just me and my cousin....coz he might not even be able to follow me.....
Anyway,as mean and bitchy as I am, I have never never hit on anyone at a relatives wedding.....(I dont have that many of them in singapore) but the last time I was at a relative wedding I tried hitting on a guy, he turned out to be my long lost distant cousin.I had to keep my skirt to myself.Church weddings are the best.........the bigger the better.....but the last one I went to was my teacher's...... and every guy there somehow has somewhat seen my butt sticking out from my panties during my junior years coz my school skirt got stuck to my panties after I peed,and started snickering when I came into the wedding with smiles that says"Oh....man....you were the girl who flashed your butt cheek during asembly!"
So forget that.....I had a few guys from the clubs, a few I met at weddings...usually I dont need to crash one....the only wedding I ever crash was because it was held in the same area, different address.I sat down, ate my fill when I realised that I didnt know anyone from the wedding, neither did I recgonise the bride and bridegroom....what the fuck? I already ate like 2 plates of food....so I decided to be nice.... and give the girl who look like the bride's sister some money.
I tried that again....but after mispronouncing the bridegroom's name as Makan when his name is really Marikan....I flipped....that was in an Indian temple..... and I was supposed to meet my mum for another wedding...I mean they wrote the freaking names out there in tamil...how the hell was I supposed to pronounced a name like Marikan....something...something anyway......
Well I discovered tha the only boys I usually would see at weddings were with families and they usually range from 7 years old to 13. The ones after that age usually prefers to sulk at home or masturbate, they wont follow mummy to weddings anymore.For my Malay friends who have invited me to their weddings.....thanks but no thanks. Because not only are there no single cute guys.....the available ones are all still in Secondary school and still trying to figure out what they want to be in life "a hip hop rapper? or a punk? or a skinhead? or just plain nerd...."they wear their pants like they got a truck load of shit in them....and well.Cross Colours jeans and Planet Alien/Versace jeans are still the in-thing...Jesus Christ......I did manage to get a few numbers from the guys washing the dishes though.....they are usually the single ones coz they dont have girlfriends who cling to their arms and expect them to take the food for them as well.
I went to 4 weddings this year....and the saddest part of all...my boyfriend was unable to attend not even one of them with me......and well....even if I had gone to a wedding with him....I would pile my plate with food.......go congratulate the bride,...check out the groom....and his best man....check out her younger brother....and reserve one dude for my best mate.Target closed in.....Ill sit down with my boyfriend.But Ive been a good girl this year..... coz in all the 4 weddings that I went to, everyone knows my boyfriend so I had to act like I love weddings and even willingly took photos while the happy couples poured chamgpagne and cut the cake.....after stuffing my face with the cake.....and giving them toasts they want to hear...and presents.....I left....
Oh god....... I miss my clubbing days. My girlfriends and I used to go clubbing 4 nights a week.....we would sometimes have yesterday's stamp still visible on our hands and since one of my cousin's cousin used to own a club.......we usually get everything for free....but since everyone got married and have children and all..... my last one standing cousin Pammy and myself are left standing outside of the marriage circle alone. Yeah....we do have our own modelling company now....and studies to complete and we both have adoring loving boyfriends who worships us like she's Pamela Anderson and Im Carmen Electra........... but deep inside me.....the Im-congratulating-you-but-Im-checking-out-your-best-man girl is still inside me......I just like my boyfriend enough not to let it out.....im just praying for the best to happen when he goes to the army..................
well............ to cut a long story short...... what I really wanted to say was...... enjoy yourself while you still can..........................I am a commit-phobic ( translation:commitment phobia) but I dont need to see my boyfriend everyday, at least 3 times a month when he goes to NS and a daily sms is all Im asking for.... coz I understand how tough NS life is........ ( Ive had countless flings with NS dudes....I know their book in and book out times by heart and the names of their officers better than them) so Im hoping for the best for Zahid...... and hope that NS can convinced him that leaving Singapore with me maybe is the best thing he could ever do......
xoxoMel
Posted on 1st January 2006 from Friendster Blogs
2 of my mates have gotten married and have babies. One of my other mates cum cousin well......I dont know....it seems that she still have the Im-congratulating-you-but-Im-checking-Out-Your-Best-Man spirit in her. I can't wait for that spirit to come back into full sparks.Coz I miss that..... I miss that a lot...I have a boyfriend myself.....so it makes it doubly hard........ but I didnt realise how much I miss those times.......when Saturday nights out are not spent with our boyfriends in clubs and the last time I hit on the bartender....... my boyfriend hug me from the back a few seconds after I told the bartender I was at the club alone.........I swear he looked like he was gonna throw the drink I ordered at my face........ ( I quit drinking by the way....been sober for 2 years now) coz when I get drunk, I can't differentiate between a woman and a man.....thats bad....very bad...
See? Plans backfires....so Ive keep my big mouth shut to myself....and plus the ring that I have now on my finger (courtesy of my boyfriend who does not want to tell me straight to my face, that its sort of an engagament not made official yet) so Im gonna leave it at that....coz Singapore has this darn thing called National Service....and I know my boyfriend is working his lungs out now.....hoping that he will save enough money before he strips himself bare naked for Singapore in the army.....and many things can happen when he is in the army...
He might drop a bar of soap in the shower...and have his crack humped on ...never mind... you know...its gay stuff...and Im sure...Singapore National Service has a strict rule about gays etc...so my boyfriend is quite safe, he is after all not going to prison.His asshole is covered.But many things can happen, lots of my girlfriends broke up with their boyfriends because of NS.... coz their dudes dont have enough time for them....but I am always so busy and even now I dont see my boyfriend everyday but its fine with me...... coz 4 times a month is sufficient but during NS....he is sweating out in the jungle while I do the Madagascar with some other people out here...it dosent seem right......
The movie "wedding crashers" has sadly reminded me of times where Im shedding tears coz the dude Im seeing today was less cuter than the dude I was seeing yesterday.
Im not saying Im not happy with my relationship, I am. Im very happy but when I think about the future, its hard not to look back and cry "Mummy!" "What the fuck were you thinking when you got married?' I feel like asking people who break up after being together for more than 3 years...I feel like asking them "What do you do now? How are you gonna move on?" Ive never been with a guy for more than a month....and Ive been seeing Zahid for more than a year now.... I hope he can finish NS quickly so we all can move to the States...but sometimes Im sitting down and thinking..... I guess its just me and my cousin....coz he might not even be able to follow me.....
Anyway,as mean and bitchy as I am, I have never never hit on anyone at a relatives wedding.....(I dont have that many of them in singapore) but the last time I was at a relative wedding I tried hitting on a guy, he turned out to be my long lost distant cousin.I had to keep my skirt to myself.Church weddings are the best.........the bigger the better.....but the last one I went to was my teacher's...... and every guy there somehow has somewhat seen my butt sticking out from my panties during my junior years coz my school skirt got stuck to my panties after I peed,and started snickering when I came into the wedding with smiles that says"Oh....man....you were the girl who flashed your butt cheek during asembly!"
So forget that.....I had a few guys from the clubs, a few I met at weddings...usually I dont need to crash one....the only wedding I ever crash was because it was held in the same area, different address.I sat down, ate my fill when I realised that I didnt know anyone from the wedding, neither did I recgonise the bride and bridegroom....what the fuck? I already ate like 2 plates of food....so I decided to be nice.... and give the girl who look like the bride's sister some money.
I tried that again....but after mispronouncing the bridegroom's name as Makan when his name is really Marikan....I flipped....that was in an Indian temple..... and I was supposed to meet my mum for another wedding...I mean they wrote the freaking names out there in tamil...how the hell was I supposed to pronounced a name like Marikan....something...something anyway......
Well I discovered tha the only boys I usually would see at weddings were with families and they usually range from 7 years old to 13. The ones after that age usually prefers to sulk at home or masturbate, they wont follow mummy to weddings anymore.For my Malay friends who have invited me to their weddings.....thanks but no thanks. Because not only are there no single cute guys.....the available ones are all still in Secondary school and still trying to figure out what they want to be in life "a hip hop rapper? or a punk? or a skinhead? or just plain nerd...."they wear their pants like they got a truck load of shit in them....and well.Cross Colours jeans and Planet Alien/Versace jeans are still the in-thing...Jesus Christ......I did manage to get a few numbers from the guys washing the dishes though.....they are usually the single ones coz they dont have girlfriends who cling to their arms and expect them to take the food for them as well.
I went to 4 weddings this year....and the saddest part of all...my boyfriend was unable to attend not even one of them with me......and well....even if I had gone to a wedding with him....I would pile my plate with food.......go congratulate the bride,...check out the groom....and his best man....check out her younger brother....and reserve one dude for my best mate.Target closed in.....Ill sit down with my boyfriend.But Ive been a good girl this year..... coz in all the 4 weddings that I went to, everyone knows my boyfriend so I had to act like I love weddings and even willingly took photos while the happy couples poured chamgpagne and cut the cake.....after stuffing my face with the cake.....and giving them toasts they want to hear...and presents.....I left....
Oh god....... I miss my clubbing days. My girlfriends and I used to go clubbing 4 nights a week.....we would sometimes have yesterday's stamp still visible on our hands and since one of my cousin's cousin used to own a club.......we usually get everything for free....but since everyone got married and have children and all..... my last one standing cousin Pammy and myself are left standing outside of the marriage circle alone. Yeah....we do have our own modelling company now....and studies to complete and we both have adoring loving boyfriends who worships us like she's Pamela Anderson and Im Carmen Electra........... but deep inside me.....the Im-congratulating-you-but-Im-checking-out-your-best-man girl is still inside me......I just like my boyfriend enough not to let it out.....im just praying for the best to happen when he goes to the army..................
well............ to cut a long story short...... what I really wanted to say was...... enjoy yourself while you still can..........................I am a commit-phobic ( translation:commitment phobia) but I dont need to see my boyfriend everyday, at least 3 times a month when he goes to NS and a daily sms is all Im asking for.... coz I understand how tough NS life is........ ( Ive had countless flings with NS dudes....I know their book in and book out times by heart and the names of their officers better than them) so Im hoping for the best for Zahid...... and hope that NS can convinced him that leaving Singapore with me maybe is the best thing he could ever do......
xoxoMel
Posted on 1st January 2006 from Friendster Blogs
Why I HATE TRAINS
MRT'S are bad. period. I prefer the bus.... you can hide whatever you r reading..Playboy,FHM,just plain SEX BOOKS. You can be watching porn, as long as nobody is beside you, people don't care. You get to sit comfortably,you get to dream..... you get to sleep and miss your stop. You get to see people and laugh at those running for the bus. You can also catch the eye of a cute dude at the bus stop.
You can also point the middle finger at cuTe dude's girlfriend if he has one, otherwise, you can write your number on a piece of paper and throw it at him. Always do these when the bus moves off..... or else you will be embarassed if 1)he does not pick your paper up.2)he calls you a litter bug3)someone else like maybe an old dying AHPEK picks up your number....YOU SURE DIE!4)he stomps on it
The middle finger...do it when the bus is moving away too.....
MRT......... forget it.... first of all....if you can't get a seat....stop hoping you will get one. Coz you will never get one.Everybody reads what you are reading.......and for those of you with head phones like amplifiers....trust me.....not everyone likes your taste of music.Some people never bathe in the morning..... seriously...
I brushed against a lady's handbag this morning....and she clutched it like her husband's underwear was inside....and glared at me.... of course me being me....I DID not shut up..... i went like "Geez.... go wait for an empty train......whats that you are carrying? Gucci? LV? i could go on and on and on........ but apparently......she never understood....
I hate MRTS.... because there are no cute dudes.... all the cute dudes go to the first or the last cabin......all the sure-hell-is-better kind are all in the middle.... cute dudes don't talk in the morning......they just sleep........... so I hate MRT'S....
once a cute dude was not sleeping..... but his girlfriend was next to him...and she glared at me....coz I was checking out her boyfriend.... ok.... so what? he was looking at me too.... is it my fault that he rather look at me in the morning than her? I dont blame him....
MRT IS HARD------ coz its fast and if you are not sitting down....u might fall and end up on someone's lap........ I mean its the same in a bus....but for a train....there are more people... your "shame" is more.......
I hate MRT....I LOVE BUSES............... and taxis of course................... if this is New York....taking the train is gonna be pure heaven on earth....... left turn CUTE... right turn CUTE...... in Singapore.... right turn DISASTER...left turn I WANNA PUKE......
POSTED FROM FRIENDSTER: 1st September 2006
You can also point the middle finger at cuTe dude's girlfriend if he has one, otherwise, you can write your number on a piece of paper and throw it at him. Always do these when the bus moves off..... or else you will be embarassed if 1)he does not pick your paper up.2)he calls you a litter bug3)someone else like maybe an old dying AHPEK picks up your number....YOU SURE DIE!4)he stomps on it
The middle finger...do it when the bus is moving away too.....
MRT......... forget it.... first of all....if you can't get a seat....stop hoping you will get one. Coz you will never get one.Everybody reads what you are reading.......and for those of you with head phones like amplifiers....trust me.....not everyone likes your taste of music.Some people never bathe in the morning..... seriously...
I brushed against a lady's handbag this morning....and she clutched it like her husband's underwear was inside....and glared at me.... of course me being me....I DID not shut up..... i went like "Geez.... go wait for an empty train......whats that you are carrying? Gucci? LV? i could go on and on and on........ but apparently......she never understood....
I hate MRTS.... because there are no cute dudes.... all the cute dudes go to the first or the last cabin......all the sure-hell-is-better kind are all in the middle.... cute dudes don't talk in the morning......they just sleep........... so I hate MRT'S....
once a cute dude was not sleeping..... but his girlfriend was next to him...and she glared at me....coz I was checking out her boyfriend.... ok.... so what? he was looking at me too.... is it my fault that he rather look at me in the morning than her? I dont blame him....
MRT IS HARD------ coz its fast and if you are not sitting down....u might fall and end up on someone's lap........ I mean its the same in a bus....but for a train....there are more people... your "shame" is more.......
I hate MRT....I LOVE BUSES............... and taxis of course................... if this is New York....taking the train is gonna be pure heaven on earth....... left turn CUTE... right turn CUTE...... in Singapore.... right turn DISASTER...left turn I WANNA PUKE......
POSTED FROM FRIENDSTER: 1st September 2006
Want to hear an interesting thing? The day before Kenny G seats concert was held at Singapore Expo..... my system got hit by a virus and all the seats dissapeared.My initial reaction was I laughed. I absolutely refused to believe it. After that I realise, not only did I programme the seats, I also design the tickets...... my role was switch from a programmer to a system analyst within seconds and I started to panic. Fortunately, my IT support "boyfriends" in Australia intercept and help me out for 2 days.
Of course I did not waste an opportunity to flirt with the technical support guy but he sounded British and I did went out with this British dude once and I thought English dudes have terrible sense of fashion...from my point of view....that is...and I realise majority of American and English dudes can't dance. There was this American guy I went to a dance with....... he was practically jumping up and down on the same spot for about 3 minutes of the whole song.......Not only did he give me a headache.... he also made me feel about 5 inches shorter than I already am....... the only guys I noticed with a damn suave and cool dance moves are Hispanics....those R&B influenced Mexicans and black guys.... they are really good on the dance floor.... Malay dudes....they always have one style of dancing..... they just stand opposite each other in a circle and they just skip from one feet to the other. Im clueless as to what dance they call that.It pretty much look very tribal to me..... fortunately even though Zahid can dance like that, he also breakdance......so he knows a lot of breakdancing moves that I could at least be proud of to show my face in the clubs....... I hear Thai American dudes can do fire dance.....I want to see only one Thai American dude I have a crush on do the fire dance.... Joe where are you?
I just came back from a trip and I realised with no further ado that Singapore Airlines stewards look better than their stewardess.......out of the 3 stewardess that I notice in my flight..... only one could pass the "pretty" borderline.......I was quite dissapointed coz there were no cute stewards...... and the American dude sitting beside me kept on standing up to retrieve his bag in the overhead compartment and hit my head with his elbow each time he sits back down... between video games, and surfing the channels...... I fell asleep..... only to wake up from getting hit again by his elbow.... fortunately.... he fell asleep also...or I would be bitch slapping him all the way to landing grounds.....They should also change their elevator music to R&B during touchdown....coz it makes me sleep and ater walking down the whole aisle which I had no business to....to avoid being mistaken as a suspicious human carrying a suspicious item, or if I was mistaken as a suicide bomber I want the headlines to be "Hot Suicide Bomber explodes!"It would sound much better..... than "Suicide Bomber Kills 63 in airplane"
Why do I sound like a typical Singaporean? Complain, complain and complian after praising Singapore Airlines to high heaven... maybe I was cranky due to PMS but its all good... coz they are still the very best of every airline I know of.... and next time I will check out the stewardess shoes and ask her where she bought it from.They match her uniform...... lol.... real cute....Maybe I should write a book :How to Piss People off on board an aircraft" coz unlike a club they can't throw you out of the plane right?
In terms of my girlfriends history, "How to Blow The Load Off a Handsome Stranger in the seat next to you off an aircraft" and also "How To Know A Gorgeous Dude on the Airplane and Get Laid once You Touch Down"I bet those 2 will be best sellers.
I need to go back to Thailand in March and I want to bring my best friend cum business partner with me but actually getting out of Singapore and going there on the spa business thing is going to be a tough sell because Zahid would want to know the Why are you going? Who you going with?What are you doing? Where are you staying? Me & my BIG huge ass mouth......I told him that I have this friend in Thailand who is half American and half Thai...so naturally he felt insecure because he pictured this guy to be the magnificient American Thai Jon Jonsson. Well close......but obviously there are different reasons why people like people and not coz he looks like Brad Pitt's half brother or something......
Of course I did not waste an opportunity to flirt with the technical support guy but he sounded British and I did went out with this British dude once and I thought English dudes have terrible sense of fashion...from my point of view....that is...and I realise majority of American and English dudes can't dance. There was this American guy I went to a dance with....... he was practically jumping up and down on the same spot for about 3 minutes of the whole song.......Not only did he give me a headache.... he also made me feel about 5 inches shorter than I already am....... the only guys I noticed with a damn suave and cool dance moves are Hispanics....those R&B influenced Mexicans and black guys.... they are really good on the dance floor.... Malay dudes....they always have one style of dancing..... they just stand opposite each other in a circle and they just skip from one feet to the other. Im clueless as to what dance they call that.It pretty much look very tribal to me..... fortunately even though Zahid can dance like that, he also breakdance......so he knows a lot of breakdancing moves that I could at least be proud of to show my face in the clubs....... I hear Thai American dudes can do fire dance.....I want to see only one Thai American dude I have a crush on do the fire dance.... Joe where are you?
I just came back from a trip and I realised with no further ado that Singapore Airlines stewards look better than their stewardess.......out of the 3 stewardess that I notice in my flight..... only one could pass the "pretty" borderline.......I was quite dissapointed coz there were no cute stewards...... and the American dude sitting beside me kept on standing up to retrieve his bag in the overhead compartment and hit my head with his elbow each time he sits back down... between video games, and surfing the channels...... I fell asleep..... only to wake up from getting hit again by his elbow.... fortunately.... he fell asleep also...or I would be bitch slapping him all the way to landing grounds.....They should also change their elevator music to R&B during touchdown....coz it makes me sleep and ater walking down the whole aisle which I had no business to....to avoid being mistaken as a suspicious human carrying a suspicious item, or if I was mistaken as a suicide bomber I want the headlines to be "Hot Suicide Bomber explodes!"It would sound much better..... than "Suicide Bomber Kills 63 in airplane"
Why do I sound like a typical Singaporean? Complain, complain and complian after praising Singapore Airlines to high heaven... maybe I was cranky due to PMS but its all good... coz they are still the very best of every airline I know of.... and next time I will check out the stewardess shoes and ask her where she bought it from.They match her uniform...... lol.... real cute....Maybe I should write a book :How to Piss People off on board an aircraft" coz unlike a club they can't throw you out of the plane right?
In terms of my girlfriends history, "How to Blow The Load Off a Handsome Stranger in the seat next to you off an aircraft" and also "How To Know A Gorgeous Dude on the Airplane and Get Laid once You Touch Down"I bet those 2 will be best sellers.
I need to go back to Thailand in March and I want to bring my best friend cum business partner with me but actually getting out of Singapore and going there on the spa business thing is going to be a tough sell because Zahid would want to know the Why are you going? Who you going with?What are you doing? Where are you staying? Me & my BIG huge ass mouth......I told him that I have this friend in Thailand who is half American and half Thai...so naturally he felt insecure because he pictured this guy to be the magnificient American Thai Jon Jonsson. Well close......but obviously there are different reasons why people like people and not coz he looks like Brad Pitt's half brother or something......
Matching Point
Have you ever been in a room full of familes and friends and strangers walking around aimlessly and your boyfriend/girlfriend or fiancee is in the next room?
You are aware you are not there alone neither are you at a party of a total stranger looking for love.... you are in love
But out of the corner of your eye........ you see this person.This person not only caught your eye but also the chemicals in those test tube your chemistry teacher never told you about starts to boil.
You just know you have to talk to that person. Lo and behold, after you did, you found out the she or he is engaged to your sister's best friend or may fate holds it in for you, your cousin's wife.
You can't help it........ you know your other half is in the next room.....but shit just want to grab you in the face sometimes...and you go for it.
If you are lucky, she or he got the hots for you too.....but if you are not...... you get rejected and you go back to your other half which is probably the safest thing you can do even if you might not knowe it.
You are aware you are not there alone neither are you at a party of a total stranger looking for love.... you are in love
But out of the corner of your eye........ you see this person.This person not only caught your eye but also the chemicals in those test tube your chemistry teacher never told you about starts to boil.
You just know you have to talk to that person. Lo and behold, after you did, you found out the she or he is engaged to your sister's best friend or may fate holds it in for you, your cousin's wife.
You can't help it........ you know your other half is in the next room.....but shit just want to grab you in the face sometimes...and you go for it.
If you are lucky, she or he got the hots for you too.....but if you are not...... you get rejected and you go back to your other half which is probably the safest thing you can do even if you might not knowe it.
RA MOVIES
I caught RA shows yesterday.If I was a porn director which I plan to include in my business when I get my papers,I wont be that bad. maybe in US.....not here...Illl get thrown out of the censorchip board building here.Im writing this in my hot-as-sauna office and my best friend is singing "You better shape up.....coz I need a man.........." I can't concentrate.Now she's complaining she needs to give birth even when she's not pregnant coz she's got period cramps. When I get periods cramps, all I ever do is shit.I saw "Womb Raider" yesterday....this RA movie which I expected it to be filled with hot steamy sex scenes. All I got was this girl called "Annie Body" that was stripping her top off searching for the wombs. Her name was Cara Croft. This pathetic Cara took of her freaking top everytime she sweats in the dessert, even ran naked in the dessert. Its a wonder rattlesnakes didn't bite her titties off. It was horrible. I went there with a girlfriend and in the end we discovered it was a lesbian show. Half of the people there were old white haired men who took 20 minutes walking from aisle to aisle just to get out of the freaking cinema. They already have their names engraved on their graves and they watch RA shows on Chinese New Year.I wasn't satisfied with Womb Raider, I wanted to see some cocks.... ( I know Im dating) Im just curious about the shows.Everyone looked at us during Womb Raider lesbian show.I did not withdraw more money...and we wanted to catch a second movie called "Sex Drive" but the picture of two girls hugging each other said enough. We dont want to watch another lesbian movie so we settled for a Philiipine movie called " Tampisay". I was digging for coins when my girlfriend exclaimed "Can you like not dig your coins in public, we already look like we are broke and horny.""I can use my credit card" But the Chinese lady who looks like a "wayang" actress did not look like she carry credit card machines nor NETS for all I care...... cold hard cash is the essentials here.So after ogling at all the naked photos of "SummerTime" etc, we bought Tampisay.Turns out that the sex scenes were practically just kissing and touching of body and the Filipino guy was not even cute. They kiss horribly and the movie turned out to be a sad tragic show.My girlfriend was forcing me to get out of the cinema.Seriously, I spent $17 bucks to get horny but I ended up fucking sad coz of the tragic movie.But the curiousity just gets to you....and it dawn on me that R(A) does not mean anything sex.Its just restricted to below 21 and since Im 23, its freaking sad...... I should just get my guy friends from US to somehow I dunno how.......... continously supply me with those artistic videos or I since I need to go Thailand frequently these days, I could even hope to snag some vidoes...... one thing I hate about Singapore again is the airport.You cant bring vidoes in of that nature etc....like the airport staff dont screw.So what if I always take SQ......it only means the bleeding security is tighter.The last time I came back here,I just got off the plane and I was wearing a sweater with zippers etc and only my bra inside....and I forgot that they make you take off your sweaters before they let you out into the main arrival area.Guess what? I had to strip........ lucky for me.... there were many people in the queue and so I squat hidden by everyone except the people infront and at the back of me who were busy talking....I just stripped of my sweater....praying someone wouldnt spot me...and ...and slip on a black t shirt. I wouldnt want them to ask me right at the sensor machines "Maam....could you take off your sweater please?" And lo and behold Im just standing there in my bra in front of this Malay policeman...I wouldnt mind just the cop..he's cute....but there are hundreds of people in the same flight as me...Anyway....I got away with that one....I like the name of porn stars....like that actress I saw yesterday....her name is Annie Body."Hi Im Annie....Annie Body...like I screw anybody.If I was a porn star..... I would name myself.... I dunno... What would you name yourself?I better shut up...... and stop spending money on movies.I still owe my university another 10k at least.... I just own a modelling business with my best friend.... and I just quit my programming job...that makes it 2k plus lesser a month..but it makes me a happier person...I finally DONT have to wake up at 8am anymore......and no more working on weekends.Unless theres a fashion thing going on........... I havent started helping my friend out at her cafe....yet. Even if I have to be a waitress, I dont mind.....anything to get my mind off the S word.Looking at my models portfolios aint helping either.....They got legs that goes on forever...... and Zahid is like insisting on sex after marriage....and Im no where near marriage....just sex....but knowing him....he can't stay away from me that long....My best friend wanted to sign up for pole dancing but I wanted erotic dancing..... so we both decided to give it one month trial each and then go back to our hip hop classes with our gorgeous teacher Marcus..... who uses Calvin Klein boxers......... enough said.Love ya, xoxo CD
ps:My next RA movie is "The Whore & The Whale"
Posted from Friendster: 29th January 2006
ps:My next RA movie is "The Whore & The Whale"
Posted from Friendster: 29th January 2006
Bitches
Calling Vincent,Dillon,Ben and Pam
I NEED TO BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where are my fellow bitches.....Im foaming in the mouth and im about to get fits.....
Oh god... Im writing in PINK coz thats the bitch colour. Thats what Vincent my posse told me anyway...... and Im wearing my favourite BITCH necklace..
Yes.....I need to bitch.... if Pamela is here...I could bitch in Spanish like we always do...but again my Spanish is getting rusty..... and I need to go back to Cambridge to take up extra classes for Spanish.....
My bloke gets rather scared of me when I use my Paris Hilton perfume.... BITCH perfume..... yes...and smell like a baby prostitute.) And he gets really scared if I wear my extra higher-than-usual- heels and yes the Latin skirt.... he knows Im gonna bitch my whole way from our doorstep to the elevator down to the traffic light to the MRT and to our destination and back home.....coz I get very FIESTY...
I was like christianed with the word "fiesty" from my close friends or something....I cant help it..... coz this country Im in right now....there's just too much NOT to bitch about.
Its only when I stick to my Dior bags........and white skirts and more mellow perfumes like Estee Lauder Exotic and Gucci Rush, then he breathes a sigh of relief.
My remedy for bitching is to have good responsive bitching buddies....
I have a group of them.... I call them Benny,Vincy and Dill, and Pamy. Even though their names are far more sophisticated than that.....but bitches has to have bitchy names and my bitch name is my name in itself.....
And no... my BIATCH groupie dont lead bad lives coz all of them including me are in university and we are all studying for our degrees......its just that our vocabulary does not limit itself only in the lecture halls......its free and easy to public. Its like my favourite line is always....IF YOU DONT LIKE ME,THEN CALL 1800-EAT SHIT......
My bloke is like the super NOT bitchy type....its hard to even start bitching in front of him.
He always goes like"Hunney.....leave the poor girl alone...or its ok...dont scold the taxi driver...Baby....dont scold the salesgirl....."
If I asked for my shoe size for the 3rd time and its not even a casual shoe store but a high end shoe store and the salesgirl act like she has more money than the Singapore Mint and completely acts snotty to me.....what do you want me to do?
Be nice and say"Oh its ok.... let me come back with a loudspeaker and plug it into your ass hole so u can hear me better!"
Of course I wont do that...so whats the best thing to do?
Bitch
Or when the taxi driver pick me and my bloke up and then told me to get off the taxi because he wanted to pick up a passenger who did a phone booking.
I mean come on... why pick me up in the first place and then even ask me for my destination and then ask me to get off....????
He was like" Oh...Im so sorry...can you get off the taxi coz I forgot I had to pick up another passenger who booked the taxi?"
Me being me.... I told him to take me to my destination or I would make sure he never drives another cab ever again......
Am I being a bitch here? Its not my fault that he stopped for me and then ask me to get off so he can earn an extra $4.20 to pick up another customer?
So I bitch and I bitch and I bitch....coz I was having asthma on that day and wanted badly to go home and my ex boyfriend (this stupid cop I was dating back then) actually apologised to the taxi driver and dragged me out of the taxi. I screamed and yelled and called the driver all the female and male genitals that I know of in every possible language and kicked his taxi door several times.... the taxi driver wanted to give in and apologised.......but my stupid ass of a Singapore Police Force ex boyfriend had to play all the goodie goodie "Im-A-Cop" shit and told me to get another taxi.
I broke up with him the following week.One more thing...dont ever date a cop.... they are possesive like Chucky the doll from hell. He even got a copy of my bills, he monitors my every movement, even followed me when I went out with my girlfriends.
I vowed to myself never to date another cop.....he was so entirely obsessed with me that even when Im not with him, he makes me sms him my every move like when Im out shopping with the girls... he wants me to sms him every place we went, everything we said and he forbid me to go to Far East Plaza.....I told him to stuff his police baton up his ass hole after 5 months.
The guy Im dating now wouldnt fight for his rights but at least he gives me freedom.....
I wont dare to be so violent in the states or back in Indonesia of course...or even my second home Thailand lol.... coz first of all..... I dont even need to bitch that much about anything coz you really cant be bothered to bitch especially in countries like Thailand and Indonesia coz everything is so cheap and everyone is just so accomodating........ and the best thing about these countries is that the people are not pampered. They dont expect everything to be done for them....
Singaporeans have a tendency to complain and complain and they expect everything to be laid on the table for them. Like with my former company.....YES...the company I just left to gain my freedom back..... when a customer buys a ticket, they expect you to give them every fucking detail of the venue. Like for example " Do you have cafes and restaurants around there where I can eat? "Do you know if there will be parking space on the day of the show itself, how much will the parking space be?"
No! Fuck face.... I don't know if the parking space will be available on that day itself..tell you what...why don't I plant myself the night before the show on the parking lot and inform you if its available just before the show starts....and yes my daddy owns all the cafes and restaurants around that area, I will let you know all the names of the eating places around the venue of the show including the width and height of the stores....how about that?" Or maybe you can make friends with something call INTERNET???????????
I dont complain....I just bitch and take actions myself...
Unlike some Singaporeans I know who always threatened to write to the forum.... everytime they can't get what they want.
Listen people... you can surrender your freaking birth cert or the day your husband divorced you to the forum but the forum will not get you whatever you want.This is Singapore.....goverment rules...
The forum is just a place for people to complain and complain and the result you get is usually "Nothing"
I dont bother to write in forums...... I only take actions of my own to get what I want and then the only place Ill appear in the Straits Times is not the forum but the HEADLINES.....
I want to get a cat.... but Im seldom home and Zahid don't fancy cats at the moment.... he fancies teddy bears for this moment so until this phrase blows over....Ill stick to playing with the cats downstairs. If they look like they have rabbies..... then I shall play with myself...I mean my toy cats...not pussies....just real furry kittens that are actually soft toys... ok...forget it......Ive lost it...
Posted from Friendster: 31st January 2006
I NEED TO BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where are my fellow bitches.....Im foaming in the mouth and im about to get fits.....
Oh god... Im writing in PINK coz thats the bitch colour. Thats what Vincent my posse told me anyway...... and Im wearing my favourite BITCH necklace..
Yes.....I need to bitch.... if Pamela is here...I could bitch in Spanish like we always do...but again my Spanish is getting rusty..... and I need to go back to Cambridge to take up extra classes for Spanish.....
My bloke gets rather scared of me when I use my Paris Hilton perfume.... BITCH perfume..... yes...and smell like a baby prostitute.) And he gets really scared if I wear my extra higher-than-usual- heels and yes the Latin skirt.... he knows Im gonna bitch my whole way from our doorstep to the elevator down to the traffic light to the MRT and to our destination and back home.....coz I get very FIESTY...
I was like christianed with the word "fiesty" from my close friends or something....I cant help it..... coz this country Im in right now....there's just too much NOT to bitch about.
Its only when I stick to my Dior bags........and white skirts and more mellow perfumes like Estee Lauder Exotic and Gucci Rush, then he breathes a sigh of relief.
My remedy for bitching is to have good responsive bitching buddies....
I have a group of them.... I call them Benny,Vincy and Dill, and Pamy. Even though their names are far more sophisticated than that.....but bitches has to have bitchy names and my bitch name is my name in itself.....
And no... my BIATCH groupie dont lead bad lives coz all of them including me are in university and we are all studying for our degrees......its just that our vocabulary does not limit itself only in the lecture halls......its free and easy to public. Its like my favourite line is always....IF YOU DONT LIKE ME,THEN CALL 1800-EAT SHIT......
My bloke is like the super NOT bitchy type....its hard to even start bitching in front of him.
He always goes like"Hunney.....leave the poor girl alone...or its ok...dont scold the taxi driver...Baby....dont scold the salesgirl....."
If I asked for my shoe size for the 3rd time and its not even a casual shoe store but a high end shoe store and the salesgirl act like she has more money than the Singapore Mint and completely acts snotty to me.....what do you want me to do?
Be nice and say"Oh its ok.... let me come back with a loudspeaker and plug it into your ass hole so u can hear me better!"
Of course I wont do that...so whats the best thing to do?
Bitch
Or when the taxi driver pick me and my bloke up and then told me to get off the taxi because he wanted to pick up a passenger who did a phone booking.
I mean come on... why pick me up in the first place and then even ask me for my destination and then ask me to get off....????
He was like" Oh...Im so sorry...can you get off the taxi coz I forgot I had to pick up another passenger who booked the taxi?"
Me being me.... I told him to take me to my destination or I would make sure he never drives another cab ever again......
Am I being a bitch here? Its not my fault that he stopped for me and then ask me to get off so he can earn an extra $4.20 to pick up another customer?
So I bitch and I bitch and I bitch....coz I was having asthma on that day and wanted badly to go home and my ex boyfriend (this stupid cop I was dating back then) actually apologised to the taxi driver and dragged me out of the taxi. I screamed and yelled and called the driver all the female and male genitals that I know of in every possible language and kicked his taxi door several times.... the taxi driver wanted to give in and apologised.......but my stupid ass of a Singapore Police Force ex boyfriend had to play all the goodie goodie "Im-A-Cop" shit and told me to get another taxi.
I broke up with him the following week.One more thing...dont ever date a cop.... they are possesive like Chucky the doll from hell. He even got a copy of my bills, he monitors my every movement, even followed me when I went out with my girlfriends.
I vowed to myself never to date another cop.....he was so entirely obsessed with me that even when Im not with him, he makes me sms him my every move like when Im out shopping with the girls... he wants me to sms him every place we went, everything we said and he forbid me to go to Far East Plaza.....I told him to stuff his police baton up his ass hole after 5 months.
The guy Im dating now wouldnt fight for his rights but at least he gives me freedom.....
I wont dare to be so violent in the states or back in Indonesia of course...or even my second home Thailand lol.... coz first of all..... I dont even need to bitch that much about anything coz you really cant be bothered to bitch especially in countries like Thailand and Indonesia coz everything is so cheap and everyone is just so accomodating........ and the best thing about these countries is that the people are not pampered. They dont expect everything to be done for them....
Singaporeans have a tendency to complain and complain and they expect everything to be laid on the table for them. Like with my former company.....YES...the company I just left to gain my freedom back..... when a customer buys a ticket, they expect you to give them every fucking detail of the venue. Like for example " Do you have cafes and restaurants around there where I can eat? "Do you know if there will be parking space on the day of the show itself, how much will the parking space be?"
No! Fuck face.... I don't know if the parking space will be available on that day itself..tell you what...why don't I plant myself the night before the show on the parking lot and inform you if its available just before the show starts....and yes my daddy owns all the cafes and restaurants around that area, I will let you know all the names of the eating places around the venue of the show including the width and height of the stores....how about that?" Or maybe you can make friends with something call INTERNET???????????
I dont complain....I just bitch and take actions myself...
Unlike some Singaporeans I know who always threatened to write to the forum.... everytime they can't get what they want.
Listen people... you can surrender your freaking birth cert or the day your husband divorced you to the forum but the forum will not get you whatever you want.This is Singapore.....goverment rules...
The forum is just a place for people to complain and complain and the result you get is usually "Nothing"
I dont bother to write in forums...... I only take actions of my own to get what I want and then the only place Ill appear in the Straits Times is not the forum but the HEADLINES.....
I want to get a cat.... but Im seldom home and Zahid don't fancy cats at the moment.... he fancies teddy bears for this moment so until this phrase blows over....Ill stick to playing with the cats downstairs. If they look like they have rabbies..... then I shall play with myself...I mean my toy cats...not pussies....just real furry kittens that are actually soft toys... ok...forget it......Ive lost it...
Posted from Friendster: 31st January 2006
Ha ha
These past few weeks have been rather interesting for me. I got out of the office. Got out of office wear, wore black pants and a white shirt and guess what?
PS:Before I start, congratulations to one of my fellow bitches who is one of CLEO'S Most Eligible Bachelor........... rooting for you Benjamin.If you win, you better buy me a drink.....you bitch.
I became a waitress at a friend's cafe. I got fucking sick of hearing the phone ring and the fax machine beep. As if in tune to my intentions, my laptop broke down.
I off my cell, and work as a waitress. The first hour felt so good, learning new things I have NEVER NEVER learn before.Even as a customer, I have never been demanding.I only flirt with the waiters, and check out the waitress for my guy friends.But being a waitress is different, its exhausting, I was on my feet the whole day for 10 hours straight. My friend who is the manager of the cafe was shaking her head after I broke one cup, slid on the floor that another staff just mopped, and grab a whole bunch of cookies on the way down with me, tore the buttons off my blouse and also mixed smoothie with coffee, she ask me one simple question
"Are you freaking human or just Daddy's princess?"
I would love to remain Daddy's princess but from the moment I told him I was gonna be independent, and after I bragged to him the company I started was doing well, he would only laugh...or he would kill me. Not that the company is doing so bad, but I thought how cool it would be, if I were to beg him to include me in his will or insurance and I could start a cafe. But this past week, I changed my mind.... Im not gonna run a cafe much less come near it....
Ill stick to my microwave oven meals,restaurants and ordering food off the counter instead of behind it.
I quit.......
Oh..... this sexy sexy someone from the past just msg me.....a certain lawyer dude....... for my faithful readers, you will know what I mean.........
I need to go to Thailand again.....and honestly, dont ask me why I keep on going to Thailand..... NO! Im not going for a sex change...its just that spas there are cheaper than the ones in Singapore.... you dont pay 600 bucks for a bloody mud bath...
This thingie for me is pretty unusual...... just when I fish and got a damn bloody big fish, just about to fuckign sit down and eat, at least a hundred other gigantic fishes swim by.....
Sal..... if you read this.... I need your new blog address......... I just cant get my hands on my freaking email...keep on getting junk mail...
I need Thailand I need Thailand......I need J...I mean Thailand......
Posted from Friendster: 14th February 2006
PS:Before I start, congratulations to one of my fellow bitches who is one of CLEO'S Most Eligible Bachelor........... rooting for you Benjamin.If you win, you better buy me a drink.....you bitch.
I became a waitress at a friend's cafe. I got fucking sick of hearing the phone ring and the fax machine beep. As if in tune to my intentions, my laptop broke down.
I off my cell, and work as a waitress. The first hour felt so good, learning new things I have NEVER NEVER learn before.Even as a customer, I have never been demanding.I only flirt with the waiters, and check out the waitress for my guy friends.But being a waitress is different, its exhausting, I was on my feet the whole day for 10 hours straight. My friend who is the manager of the cafe was shaking her head after I broke one cup, slid on the floor that another staff just mopped, and grab a whole bunch of cookies on the way down with me, tore the buttons off my blouse and also mixed smoothie with coffee, she ask me one simple question
"Are you freaking human or just Daddy's princess?"
I would love to remain Daddy's princess but from the moment I told him I was gonna be independent, and after I bragged to him the company I started was doing well, he would only laugh...or he would kill me. Not that the company is doing so bad, but I thought how cool it would be, if I were to beg him to include me in his will or insurance and I could start a cafe. But this past week, I changed my mind.... Im not gonna run a cafe much less come near it....
Ill stick to my microwave oven meals,restaurants and ordering food off the counter instead of behind it.
I quit.......
Oh..... this sexy sexy someone from the past just msg me.....a certain lawyer dude....... for my faithful readers, you will know what I mean.........
I need to go to Thailand again.....and honestly, dont ask me why I keep on going to Thailand..... NO! Im not going for a sex change...its just that spas there are cheaper than the ones in Singapore.... you dont pay 600 bucks for a bloody mud bath...
This thingie for me is pretty unusual...... just when I fish and got a damn bloody big fish, just about to fuckign sit down and eat, at least a hundred other gigantic fishes swim by.....
Sal..... if you read this.... I need your new blog address......... I just cant get my hands on my freaking email...keep on getting junk mail...
I need Thailand I need Thailand......I need J...I mean Thailand......
Posted from Friendster: 14th February 2006
To all my dear friends
This blog is gonna be senseless....
Pamela-I guess what they said about best friends and cousins were true.... even when you lose your handphone, they have your home number, your mother's house number,your father'soffice address...so you know you cant lose them.In this case, she is both....best fren and cuzzy plus business partner.
Ben- For being the sweetest fella to actually msg me his number. My battery is now dead as Im using Pamela's age old almost dying Samsung handphone till I get a state of the art Nokia phone.So i cant message you......and If I am not able to get away from the money making scheme of mine now... to support you at MOS and Spinelli for the Eligible Bachelor thing.... just know that I have sent sms to Cleo from my beat up old phone........to vote for you...and you are my favourite bachelor of all...
Boyfriend Zahid- well of course... he was the first to know about the unfortunate lose of my handphone because he was the last person to hold it......and of course... me being in between a bimbo and a bitch... was holding the phone on my ear and I can actually ask him "honey,where is my phone?" so accusing him of losing my phone would be unfair............... so needless to say another person who has my grandmother and my mother's number stored in his brain cells......
I know I can never get back the other numbers unless people message me while they suddenly thought of me....... while they were having sex and suddenly thought of the condom I recommended and they sms me, thats when Ill get their numbers back or the exes and ex flings, ex scandals and all those Nicole Richie girlfriends of mine suddenly realised shopping and life without me is just not the same....they would sms me........ cool.
To top it all off......I have to get a new laptop.
So, Im holding 4 jobs now.... plus going to classes to finish my degree off... and yes working on revamping my company....money is never enough..
Im distraught coz I have never lose my phone since I got my first phone till now.......
Because my bag was bigger than me... I lose my phone coz I couldnt see what I left in the seat of the taxi.....my precious phone.....
Still can't decide between Nokia and Samsung.....but my phone must be girly.....must be fucking pink...must have fucking diamonds........... which sick mobile inventor would invent that phone? I want to get Escada.... but thats gonna mean Im gonna miss my next spa trip to Thailand....so forget it....
God people...... sms me ur numbers.... Im not that unpopular am I?I only receive 4 numbers out of my previous 500 plus entries...Or maybe coz 300 of them are not on friendster....
ok somebody slap me so i can stop...
ranting............
i lose all my good night messages and my handphone bill has actually gone down from a $300 a month to a mere $120...... and this phone my cousin Pamela gave me can only store 10 messages and it took me 5 minutes to reply one sms... I shouldnt complain.....shouldnt complain........im so sick.......so sick........
Posted from Friendster:27 February 2006
Pamela-I guess what they said about best friends and cousins were true.... even when you lose your handphone, they have your home number, your mother's house number,your father'soffice address...so you know you cant lose them.In this case, she is both....best fren and cuzzy plus business partner.
Ben- For being the sweetest fella to actually msg me his number. My battery is now dead as Im using Pamela's age old almost dying Samsung handphone till I get a state of the art Nokia phone.So i cant message you......and If I am not able to get away from the money making scheme of mine now... to support you at MOS and Spinelli for the Eligible Bachelor thing.... just know that I have sent sms to Cleo from my beat up old phone........to vote for you...and you are my favourite bachelor of all...
Boyfriend Zahid- well of course... he was the first to know about the unfortunate lose of my handphone because he was the last person to hold it......and of course... me being in between a bimbo and a bitch... was holding the phone on my ear and I can actually ask him "honey,where is my phone?" so accusing him of losing my phone would be unfair............... so needless to say another person who has my grandmother and my mother's number stored in his brain cells......
I know I can never get back the other numbers unless people message me while they suddenly thought of me....... while they were having sex and suddenly thought of the condom I recommended and they sms me, thats when Ill get their numbers back or the exes and ex flings, ex scandals and all those Nicole Richie girlfriends of mine suddenly realised shopping and life without me is just not the same....they would sms me........ cool.
To top it all off......I have to get a new laptop.
So, Im holding 4 jobs now.... plus going to classes to finish my degree off... and yes working on revamping my company....money is never enough..
Im distraught coz I have never lose my phone since I got my first phone till now.......
Because my bag was bigger than me... I lose my phone coz I couldnt see what I left in the seat of the taxi.....my precious phone.....
Still can't decide between Nokia and Samsung.....but my phone must be girly.....must be fucking pink...must have fucking diamonds........... which sick mobile inventor would invent that phone? I want to get Escada.... but thats gonna mean Im gonna miss my next spa trip to Thailand....so forget it....
God people...... sms me ur numbers.... Im not that unpopular am I?I only receive 4 numbers out of my previous 500 plus entries...Or maybe coz 300 of them are not on friendster....
ok somebody slap me so i can stop...
ranting............
i lose all my good night messages and my handphone bill has actually gone down from a $300 a month to a mere $120...... and this phone my cousin Pamela gave me can only store 10 messages and it took me 5 minutes to reply one sms... I shouldnt complain.....shouldnt complain........im so sick.......so sick........
Posted from Friendster:27 February 2006
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